When I was a teenager my Mom asked me and my older brother's friend to fix some shelves in the basement. Or maybe she just asked him. Either way I kind of hijacked the work and kept trying to do everything. I wanted to use the drill and the saw etc. Afterwards I felt really dumb. I ruined his chance to be helpful and acted like a brat. After that I have been more cautious about "showing off" with manual labor especially when there are males involved. I have heard that it is important to the male ego to be able to be strong and helpful and capable.
This week I went on a dinosaur dig with some people, many of them guys. At one point we had to change a tire and several other times there was things to be carried or lifted. Some of it I physically could not do or it would have been very awkward but some of it I knew how to do, and would have enjoyed doing but I stood back and let them do it. And hence was bored and felt kind of useless.
I am assuming the guys weren't saying I couldn't do it they just wanted to take the brunt of it, which is nice. I guess I just haven't figured out a good compromise.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Sunday, July 31, 2016
The Future Consequences of Coby Smi
It has been over ten years since I customized this bear but he still lives in a closet at my parent's home. A week ago my eleven year old nephew found Colby and was asking about him. I told him a little about Build-A-Bear and how you can choose which animal and then choose an outfit and accessories from the many options there. Dresses, pajamas, suits, superheros, dancers, magicians, cheerleaders, etc. There was a lot of options. I was surprised when my nephew ended the conversation by saying, "I just think it's cool that you dressed him like an adventurer because some girls would have just wanted a girly one with dresses and stuff." Then he walked back inside.
So basically, a fairly inconsequential decision I made more than ten years ago about a stuffed animal raised me in the esteem of my nephew now.
It brought home to me how our decisions affect us and how others see us. I was certainly gratified that he liked my taste in toys but more importantly what decisions have I made or will I make that may affect me as a role model in the future?
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Expectations
On a dig I went on in Nauvoo a couple of years ago I got known as a good digger. For a while it got so that if anyone saw me mapping or screening (other vital roles and which I feel I am equally capable of) they would say "why aren't you digging? That's where we need you," (which may or may not have been true). I like digging, not arguing there but sometimes I got jealous of my friend who had got pegged as the researcher, secretary. She got to be in on meetings where she learned more about the history of Nauvoo. She on the other hand would sometimes complain to me that she wished she could just dig. Both were good roles it just would have been nice to share them a little more.*
This week the professor I TA for had to miss class. In the past he has asked another professor to sub for him but this time he asked me. He sent me his slideshow and his handouts which I read through and then did some wikipedia research and literally taught in the afternoon what I had learned in the morning. It was interesting, and I'm sure his lecture would have been more thorough, but overall I think it went pretty good.
On several occasions I have seen children, usually like 2 to 5 year olds, hang on (literally) and talk to socially awkward adults. The adults who would normally be hesitant to respond acted pretty comfortable. It seemed like the children missed the social cues that would suggest that those adults don't like to talk or be hugged so they treat them like other adults in their lives and the adults act accordingly.
So to explain the connections between these experiences.
In the Nauvoo experience both my friend and I were tied down by the expectations people made of our abilities.
In the TA experience my professor expected more of me then I thought possible, so I grew and learned a lot.
In the children example, the children don't have expectations that someone will be awkward so they treat them like anyone else.
I have heard people talking about low expectations limiting people. You expect your class not to show up on time so they don't. You expect someone to not want to talk to you so they don't.... but I had never thought about how low expectations can literally take away growth opportunities. No one expected me to do anything but dig so I never got the opportunity to do anything else. Thus, the reverse is true too. If you have high expectations of someone, maybe higher then they have for themselves you will give them opportunities to do more (like my professor).
So then the obvious question is how often do we limit ourselves (or those around us) by our low expectations?
*These roles were a little more overlapped and shared the other years I worked in Nauvoo.
This week the professor I TA for had to miss class. In the past he has asked another professor to sub for him but this time he asked me. He sent me his slideshow and his handouts which I read through and then did some wikipedia research and literally taught in the afternoon what I had learned in the morning. It was interesting, and I'm sure his lecture would have been more thorough, but overall I think it went pretty good.
On several occasions I have seen children, usually like 2 to 5 year olds, hang on (literally) and talk to socially awkward adults. The adults who would normally be hesitant to respond acted pretty comfortable. It seemed like the children missed the social cues that would suggest that those adults don't like to talk or be hugged so they treat them like other adults in their lives and the adults act accordingly.
So to explain the connections between these experiences.
In the Nauvoo experience both my friend and I were tied down by the expectations people made of our abilities.
In the TA experience my professor expected more of me then I thought possible, so I grew and learned a lot.
In the children example, the children don't have expectations that someone will be awkward so they treat them like anyone else.
I have heard people talking about low expectations limiting people. You expect your class not to show up on time so they don't. You expect someone to not want to talk to you so they don't.... but I had never thought about how low expectations can literally take away growth opportunities. No one expected me to do anything but dig so I never got the opportunity to do anything else. Thus, the reverse is true too. If you have high expectations of someone, maybe higher then they have for themselves you will give them opportunities to do more (like my professor).
So then the obvious question is how often do we limit ourselves (or those around us) by our low expectations?
*These roles were a little more overlapped and shared the other years I worked in Nauvoo.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Confidence and Experience
I took a ceramics class in my second(?) year of college. I think one of the hardest parts of the class for me was going into the ceramics lab to work on projects when I was not specifically scheduled to be there. I remember walking up to the doors but because they were closed o this particular occasion and generally they were propped open I couldn't bring myself to push them open and go in.
Now, looking back I can totally understand my hesitation but I don't think I would run away anymore (I hope).
This week my sister and I were talking about self-confidence and how to develop it yourself or encourage it in others. The conclusion we came to is that new experiences tend to bring more confidence. There could be two reasons for this. One, if I work long enough on the same thing I learn more of the in and outs of whatever it is (whether it is learning Microsoft Excel or playing frisbee). Thus, I gain confidence in that specific area because I am more comfortable with it.
That would help with confidence in a specific area but if I want to gain more confidence in general I think the key is varied experiences because that way I have more things I can relate to and more experience in trying new things itself. While trying lots of different things perhaps instead of learning the ins and outs of a particular skill I learn the ins and outs of being uncomfortable and what types of things make me uncomfortable and what type of things I can do to alleviate it while still participating.
I'm by no means amazing at this but it is certainly something to think about.
Now, looking back I can totally understand my hesitation but I don't think I would run away anymore (I hope).
This week my sister and I were talking about self-confidence and how to develop it yourself or encourage it in others. The conclusion we came to is that new experiences tend to bring more confidence. There could be two reasons for this. One, if I work long enough on the same thing I learn more of the in and outs of whatever it is (whether it is learning Microsoft Excel or playing frisbee). Thus, I gain confidence in that specific area because I am more comfortable with it.
That would help with confidence in a specific area but if I want to gain more confidence in general I think the key is varied experiences because that way I have more things I can relate to and more experience in trying new things itself. While trying lots of different things perhaps instead of learning the ins and outs of a particular skill I learn the ins and outs of being uncomfortable and what types of things make me uncomfortable and what type of things I can do to alleviate it while still participating.
I'm by no means amazing at this but it is certainly something to think about.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Negative Impressions
Once I was walking with an acquaintance through a building on campus. There was several people in the hall and one of them held out a bag of bakery cookies. "Do you want these cookies?"
"No thanks." I said.
"Really? They're fresh."
I declined again but my companion said that she would take them which she did. As we took the elevator up to the third floor my companion asked if I liked cookies or just didn't like taking food from strangers. I said neither and she promptly shared one of the cookies with me which I enjoyed.
The problem is that my gut response to most new things is "no." That goes for invitations to activities, new clothes on racks, etc.
I am especially bad with clothes. I often see clothes on racks in stores and think they are ugly but then if I put them on later or see others wearing them I will often think they look fine or even start really liking them. I just think it is surprising how first impressions for me tend to be indifferent or negative even if the long term opinion may be the complete opposite or at least unrelated.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Productivity v. Sociality
I apologize before I even start. This will be another dichotomy with a solution that ends up predictably somewhere in between.... like what always (for moderate values of always) happens.
Lately I have really bonded with a couple of my roommates and we have spent a lot of talking. Sometimes when one of us needs to discuss something and sometimes just because it is fun. As a result of this I have not worked on some of my projects as much as I would have liked. However, this weekend they were both gone and I spent the majority of the time reading (delicious) and writing or doing other projects. It was excellent, and reminded me of the summer before returning to grad school. Very productive but low on sociality, the opposite of the past couple of weeks lots of sociality not much productivity. Both are good, and I enjoy both but what I seem to be bad at is having a balance between them, at least in the short term. I feel like I can go whole months with one or the other and I start missing the other but don't quite know how to make the other happen, either because there are too many people around and I can't tell them no, or because there are no people around and I can't seem to find them. I guess its not all bad to have a "time and season" for everything, or in other words be balanced in the long term if not the short term, but it certainly seems better to be more balanced all the time... I just don't know how to make that happen.
Lately I have really bonded with a couple of my roommates and we have spent a lot of talking. Sometimes when one of us needs to discuss something and sometimes just because it is fun. As a result of this I have not worked on some of my projects as much as I would have liked. However, this weekend they were both gone and I spent the majority of the time reading (delicious) and writing or doing other projects. It was excellent, and reminded me of the summer before returning to grad school. Very productive but low on sociality, the opposite of the past couple of weeks lots of sociality not much productivity. Both are good, and I enjoy both but what I seem to be bad at is having a balance between them, at least in the short term. I feel like I can go whole months with one or the other and I start missing the other but don't quite know how to make the other happen, either because there are too many people around and I can't tell them no, or because there are no people around and I can't seem to find them. I guess its not all bad to have a "time and season" for everything, or in other words be balanced in the long term if not the short term, but it certainly seems better to be more balanced all the time... I just don't know how to make that happen.
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Collections
Over the years I have collected various things, some of them more random then others. Stuffed animals, pokemon cards, socks, polished rocks, and miniature bears are some of the more common ones. I also collected napkins for a while and many of you know of my firehydrant picture collection.
When I was probably about 12 I took my napkin collection and made them into a series of collages that we hung in our finished attic for a while. Later we threw them away.
I know other people who have collections of coins, stamps, nativity sets, elephants, cabbage patch dolls, lego sets, decorative plates, etc.
Frequently collection items seem to be fairly useless, at least in the quantity they are collected although some have monetary value. And it can be almost disturbing when there are so many of whatever it is that they fill an entire room (like a room devoted to cabbage patch dolls... yes I have seen one of these). However it seems like the benefit f many collections, especially those that aren't coins or whatever, is that the objects are usually connected with a place or a person. Really they aren't collecting plates, they are collecting memories of places or people etc. which is actually pretty cool, and in my opinion that makes for a lot more entertaining decor then generic cutsey decorations.
When I was probably about 12 I took my napkin collection and made them into a series of collages that we hung in our finished attic for a while. Later we threw them away.
I know other people who have collections of coins, stamps, nativity sets, elephants, cabbage patch dolls, lego sets, decorative plates, etc.
Frequently collection items seem to be fairly useless, at least in the quantity they are collected although some have monetary value. And it can be almost disturbing when there are so many of whatever it is that they fill an entire room (like a room devoted to cabbage patch dolls... yes I have seen one of these). However it seems like the benefit f many collections, especially those that aren't coins or whatever, is that the objects are usually connected with a place or a person. Really they aren't collecting plates, they are collecting memories of places or people etc. which is actually pretty cool, and in my opinion that makes for a lot more entertaining decor then generic cutsey decorations.
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