New Perspectives on Life

I spent some time with a few of my nieces and nephews this week. I like how it makes me see life from a new perspective. The way they struggle with the concepts of distance and space, or how technology really works. It's like getting another chance to see the world  new all over again. And to realize I guess I have learned a few things already.... like how to keep a burning stick over the fire and not waved in someone else's face. And how to get a towel for myself even if I'm not only soaking wet but freezing cold.
But I also do not know the difference between clams and oysters. I don't know everything... yet.

You Want an Honest Answer? Which One?

Sixth Grade Lunch. Each class had an assigned set of tables, but at those tables we could sit anywhere. Each table had three attached stools on each side. I always sat on the last table, on the seat closest to the other tables. One day a girl who was more or less my friend, and who sat next to me, got into a fight with some of the other girls. I have no idea about what. Honestly, I was probably reading during it. I think the girl told and she and the other girls went to the Vice Principal's Office to work it out. The next day at lunch I sat down in my seat, and was told I had to move. Apparently, the way the problem had been worked out was to have a new seating arrangement. I was told I had to move down a seat. Really this shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was, and I still get upset about it when I think about this incident. I'm not even entirely sure why.
That day, after I was told to move, I refused. The girls told me I had to. I said "make me." They didn't, and I stayed. Later I was told to report to the guidance counselor's office, which I did, to set up an appointment to talk about it. I broke my first appointment, but when the girls were still telling me to move 3 days later I went and met with my counselor, who casually mentioned that when they had negotiated the solution she had been under the assumption that my seat was actually just an empty chair. All the girls involved had just assumed I would move without complaint. They treated me like an empty chair. Before it was all sorted out I had a meeting with the Vice Principal as well. Eventually, my seat was returned to me. I had fought for it and won. Looking back I'm always surprised that I actually went through all that hassle. It's not really like me, then or now.

But here is why I brought up this long story.

• The girls asked me why I wouldn't move. I told them that it was my chair.
• My Mom asked me why I wouldn't move. I told her that I had sat on that same seat since second grade when my two other friends had taken up the rest of the table. That was probably the first and last year I was truly one of the popular kids (not that I cared about that, but I did care about those friends).
• The counselor asked me why I  wouldn't move. I told her that no one had asked if moving was OK with me, they had just demanded that I change to solve their problems. 
• The Vice Principal asked me why I wouldn't move. I told her that I always sat on the end, at school, at home, in the car, everywhere. "You like your space," she said. "Yes," I answered.

Every single one of those answers is and was true. Every one is also different. So many questions we are asked, every day, have so many true answers. I guess I just find it interesting to think occasionally about why I chose to answer in a particular way.

Here are a few reasons I can think of for why we answer differently with different people, and in different situations.

• Say what is easiest. Like when I told the other girls it was my chair.
• The long answers are more likely to be given to people we are more comfortable with or who are willing to listen. My explanation to my Mom was longest. 
• We change our answers so that the other person will understand. My Vice Principal understood wanting her own space, so I agreed with her that that was the reason.
• Sometimes, like in the above situation, I didn't even fully know myself (still don't) why I chose to do something, so whatever plausible answer that comes to mind gets used.

3 Stars is Good

About a week ago I was reading a lot of book reviews on Goodreads. I was trying to find out if some free books I had were decent, or not worth my time. They have a 5 star rating system. My sister had already warned me not to look at the 5 star reviews. They tend to be worthless, all they do is talk about how this was the best book ever, and the author is amazing and the plot was new and fantastic and the characters are well developed and awesome. Some of the 4 star reviews are like that too. With everything they say, they say nothing at all except that the reviewer liked it.
It was kind of interesting though, because I found the 1 star reviews to be much the same (not quite as useless as 5 stars but close). They just rave about how pointless this book was, how they hated it and didn't finish it. How the plot was predictable and stupid and the characters were flat. Pretty much just the opposite of the 5s.
Overall it seemed like 2 and 3 star reviews (and the occasional 4 star) were far more helpful. They didn't rave or rant, they were more even minded. Some explained the plot, others listed things they did or did not like. Their reviews were not punctuated by profanity or exclamation points, and overall they seemed more likely to explain actual details of the plot, characters, and writing.
I guess it shouldn't be a surprise to find that someone who is not quite as emotionally  involved actually makes a better argument.  It's just a good reminder that the next time someone comes to you raving or ranting about how good or bad someone treated them... their story might not be entirely just.

Teachers are People Too

"I like trains."

That phrase as a terrible connotation for me. In High School my senior year (I think) I had a young physics teacher. She was the gymnastics coach, short, and wasn't good at classroom management. Some kids in my class found it funny to say the above statement over and over again in funny accents, during the middle of class. At the end of the year she thanked me for being nice. I don't think I even did anything out of the ordinary. I just wasn't a jerk. 

I can list several other teachers with similar situations: 9th grade Biology, 11th grade Math, 12 yr old Sunday School Teacher...

Since High School I really haven't seen it much though, which is much appreciated. I certainly don't miss it. But for some reason I was thinking about it today. Just because someone is a teacher doesn't mean they aren't a person and you shouldn't treat them with common courtesy.

Needing Leadership

The whistle blew and I hopped the log fence to join the end of the line of girls of my second grade class. We were coming in from recess. Then, instead of leading us back into the building, one of the teachers stopped. "This field is a mess." As she spoke we looked back over our shoulders, and I acknowledged that only moments before I had noticed the Cheetos bags stuffed into crevices in the log fence, and smashed juice boxes and plastic straws were scattered over the grass.
"No one is allowed inside until we clean up this mess."
No one moved. Everyone shuffled their feet and stared at the ground hoping the angry teacher wasn't looking at them.  Well it's not my problem, I thought, feeling my own sandwich bags from my snack tucked into my pockets. To move would be to accept guilt.
The seconds stretched into minutes and still no one moved.
This is dumb, I thought, and broke ranks, blushing hard because everyone was staring. As I picked up a lollipop stick, the neat rows of my classmates disintegrated. I grabbed a fruit by the foot paper and carried my trash to the garbage, as the other kids darted around me from the trash barrel and then back to our neat lines.

I don't remember if the teacher even said anything else before she brought us back inside.
I find leadership interesting. Who is good at it and who is not? What makes good leaders or bad leaders? One of the main characters in the book I wrote has some issues directly related to leadership. Maybe I find it interesting, because I'm not much of a leader (except of course when I am).
This week I was at a very informal church activity. We were supposed to bring some cookies to some people but everyone just kept milling about asking who should go with who, and where we should leave our cars. Nothing was getting done. I called out, told everyone a plan, and people listened. One girl asked if I was sure, I said honestly "I don't care, I'm just making this up." But everyone promptly did what I had said. It was kind of funny in my opinion because I wasn't in charge, and I really didn't care much which plan we followed. But sometimes people just need a leader, like the first experience I shared, and it doesn't really seem to matter who it is, just as long as someone takes charge.
On occasion I've heard people talk about how leadership really isn't important or how you don't need to do what other people tell you to do.... but honestly, it seems to me that people, that society, needs leadership. It can be informal or formal but we need leaders, sometimes for even the most simple of endeavors.