Why Do You Do That?

I just rewatched one of my favorite movies, North and South, based on the book by Elizabeth Gaskell. The plot is basically Pride and Predjudice but with a subplot of the Newsies (aka labor unions). This subplot is so powerful because arguably the three most important characters are on three different sides of the issue. John Thorton is a mill owner, and master. Nicholas Higgins is a mill worker and a "committee man" or a union leader. Finally, Margaret Hale, is an upperclass woman and a ministers daughter who has been transplanted suddenly into the culture of the industrial revolution. Throughout the story they argue different sides. Finally, near the end Margaret, friends with both men convinces them to see the good in each other and because they do they are able to unite and bring out the best in each side, helping each other and getting that much closer to make both mens goals come to fruition.
A few months ago I had a church leader who would do and say things that I didn't think were good or useful. I asked him about them and he explained himself and I still didn't neccessarily agree but I could respect why he did what he did.
It is far too easy to think someone else is crazy. "Why in the world would anyone ever do that?"
But really it is no surprise, because I'm not them and I don't think like them.... but then when they explain why, even though I still might not agree, it is at least understandable. Maybe that question above should be used more frequently... but instead of asking someone that agrees with us we should ask the individual who's sanity we are questioning.

Study Habits

The end of the semester is upon us and I have been noticing how I apparently have different study habits then other people.
Unless I have one project that is way higher on my list of priorities than everything else I usually try to break up my studying. I like to do something for 20 minutes, 30 minutes or sometimes an hour and then do something else for a similar amount of time. I have talked to several other people who say if they don't have at least an hour to work on something it's not worth it because it will take them that long to switch gears.
I also have three and a half days to study for one final. I will probably go crazy because I just get so bored of studying for the same thing for so long. One of my peers said "I only have a week to study for my test." ONLY!
Sorry this is so boring.

Becoming Adequate is Enough

That title makes this sound far worse than it really is...

Several years ago I played solitary on the computer frequently. The version I used didn't have just one version of the game. I really enjoyed picking a version and trying to figure it out as I played. I even made a list of them (I can probably delete that draft in my emails now...).

Escalator -- can't win
First Law -- brainless but long
Fortress -- can't win
Fortunes  -- can't figure out
Forty Thieves -- can't win
Freecell -- ok
Gaps -- annoying
Giant
Glenwood
Gold Mine -- annoying
Golf
Gypsy -- tough
Hopscotch -- annoying
Isabel -- a bigger Jamestown
Jamestown -- brainless
Jumbo -- fun
Kansas -- ok
King Albert -- fun
Klondike
Labyrinth
Lady Jane -- ok
Maze --can't figure out
Monte Carlo -- ok
Napoleon's Tomb -- can't figure out
Neighbor
Odessa
Osmosis -- fun
Peek -- same as Osmosis
Pileon -- interesting
Plait -- ok
Poker -- can't figure out
Quatorze -- ok
I think what I liked best was trying t figure it out, not so much the actual game. Just the other day while talking to my brother I began to wonder if that is what I like about school too... or at least switching majors. Not only that, I told someone the other day that I have gone sking once, and enjoyed it but I wonder if after I got decent at it if I would really enjoy continuing... I'm not sure. But it makes me curious and wonder if I'm flaky (not truly flighty because I do like to finish what I start but still).

Being Brave

I remember playing in the church parking lot when I was a kid while waiting for my parents. There was a storm drain there and I usually avoided it but occasionally I would walk on it and it would give me a little thrill of fear or excitement or whatever.
Now I am not one to scare myself or seek thrills but the other day I went to a frozen lake with some people and there was a rope swing and we were swinging out over the lake and it was a lot of fun. One of the people said something along the line of me being brave. What was interesting is that to me that wasn't a big deal. Instead, the part that I was initially hesitant about was going in the first place to hang out with people (some I didn't know very well) for a day and a half. Although, it didn't give me the same thrill of fear or excitement, but it was a similar experience. This summer when I wrote about subbing for my professor that was an experience I was not ready for but I enjoyed and before hand I felt an almost giddy nervousness that was much the same as walking on storm drains (you might fall in!).

I'm not exactly sure what I want to say about all this, but perhaps something about growth (I can walk over storm drains without fear now), or stepping outside our comfort zones and how it can be exciting.

Religious Freedom

A couple of weeks ago I saw an advertisement for an art/slogan/paragraph contest about--you guessed it--religious freedom. I like doing creative things once and awhile, and it is always nice to have a reason to do it, and I think religious freedom is important so I decided to participate.
My first thought was how religious freedom is something that previous generations havre really sacrificed for. The Pilgrims who came over on the Mayflower were persecuted for their religious beliefs and thus came to America. Anne Hutchinson was an early American (1630s) who was banished from her home in the Massachusetts Bay Colony because she believed differently from the other Puritans who lived there. They sacrificed for their own religious freedom, but they didn't really encourage religious freedom in others. (Pennsylvania's beginning is probably a better example of true religious freedom but I don't know as much about it and I don't have ancestors from there).
Later, Mormon pioneers crossed the American plains in order to find religious freedom for themselves. Although, I'm not convinced religious freedom has been done well in America it has been a significant theme.
However, this idea wasn't working for me (maybe because I know too much history...) so I tried another line of thought. I remember once in highschool my history teacher asked if we thought politicians, judges, etc. should keep their religious views seperate from their political policies. In one of my unguarded moments I think I replied that that was stupid and impossible. I stick to that statement. If someone is truly religious they have internalized the precepts of their faith and those precepts will then affect the decisions they make and the way they look at their world. Which is not to say that everyone who belongs to one religion or even one religious sect are going to think about political issues the same way. I chose to do my picture more along these lines. Here is my current version.

Here is the finished version.

Religious Freedom

A couple of weeks ago I saw an advertisement for an art/slogan/paragraph contest about--you guessed it--religious freedom. I like doing creative things once and awhile, and it is always nice to have a reason to do it, and I think religious freedom is important so I decided to participate.
My first thought was how religious freedom is something that previous generations havre really sacrificed for. The Pilgrims who came over on the Mayflower were persecuted for their religious beliefs and thus came to America. Anne Hutchinson was an early American (1630s) who was banished from her home in the Massachusetts Bay Colony because she believed differently from the other Puritans who lived there. They sacrificed for their own religious freedom, but they didn't really encourage religious freedom in others. (Pennsylvania's beginning is probably a better example of true religious freedom but I don't know as much about it and I don't have ancestors from there).
Later, Mormon pioneers crossed the American plains in order to find religious freedom for themselves. Although, I'm not convinced religious freedom has been done well in America it has been a significant theme.
However, this idea wasn't working for me (maybe because I know too much history...) so I tried another line of thought. I remember once in highschool my history teacher asked if we thought politicians, judges, etc. should keep their religious views seperate from their political policies. In one of my unguarded moments I think I replied that that was stupid and impossible. I stick to that statement. If someone is truly religious they have internalized the precepts of their faith and those precepts will then affect the decisions they make and the way they look at their world. Which is not to say that everyone who belongs to one religion or even one religious sect are going to think about political issues the same way. I chose to do my picture more along these lines. Here is my current version.

Different Majors, Different People Or How Dirt Changes Relationships

The other day I overheard a conversation between two of my roommates, a buisness major, and a law major. They were talking about manipulating there professors into becoming friends with them so that they could call their professors by their first names, and have lunch with them, etc. One of them was super excited because one of the emails they got back from their professor was only signed with their first name.
I couldn't help but laugh. All of those things have happened to me and I have in no way tried to create such a relationship. I don't think it has anything to do with me, and it has all to do with the majors. Granted, as a master's student you have more one on one interaction with professors, but even as an undergrad I had professors invite us to use their first names and talk about life with them. I remember specifically on the field school I attended my professor telling us that in the field we could call him by his first name, and another professor in our capstone class did the same.
So why is it different? I'm not sure but some of the reasons I could see for it is that the majors I've been in tend to be smaller (and thus more intimate), they include a more casual set of people (we like to dig in the dirt! how formal can you be?), they put less focus on appearances (dirt again!), and they usually have more opportunities to have informal interactions (time in the field... or in others words dirt).

Real formal, right?

I had known before that majors were different. There is a reason afterall, that there are sterotypes of engineers, english majors and business students. I just hadn't realized quite so much, that the people are genuinely different types of people. They look at the world differently and that is why they are perhaps, interested in the subjects that they are, because the very subject is a way of looking at the world.

The Price of Free Food

People have often said that nothing in life is free.
As a college student people are constantly offering me free things, especially food as an inducement to go to things. I don't love food in general but sometimes the idea of not having to buy food or even just not having to make food is an attractive idea. However, I still do not take up every offer of free food. One problem I have with it is becauyse although they say it is free it is often not meant as being free. They give it to you so that you will go to the program or activity. In essence they are offering food in exchange for your participation. I know in many instances people take the food and leave without participating and although most people don't think there is anything wrong with that I don't like to because it almost feels like cheating.
And yet I get daily emails from something called Bookbub that is a list of free or cheap ebooks. I will often "buy" the free books. Perhaps I should be better at reviewing them which is, I think, why they give them out for free.

Changing Culture

So when I was heading home from my LDS mission my mission president* thanked me and the 15 or so other home-bound missionaries for the culture that we had brought to the mission. We were only about 15 of about 160 missionaries who were spread out across most of Indiana. How could we make a difference I thought, or at least a significant one. Some of the Elders were in leadership (one was an Assistant to the President and others were zone or district leaders) so they might have had a wider impact but  I just couldn't see it.
Last year I was a newbie in the Geology "gradcubes" (a room where 24 of the gradstudents have desks and partial cubicles). I was in the quiet row, where probably 70% of the time I was the only one sitting in my row and 90% of the time there wasn't conversations. Also, there were some conversations that went on in the other rows that were not the best quality.
This year I'm one of the second years, which means that some of the second years of last year (but not all) have graduated and moved on and some of the gradstudents that are my year have moved to other offices or rooms in the building, but overall between 15 to 20 of us are the same. But some people have also moved desks. This year my row is the talkative one and I have company probably about 80% of the time and conversations... well I'll just say I'm more distracted this year.  The conversations are often uplifting and/or educational.
Overall, the gradcubes have a different culture then they did last year, and only a few people changed. Even though the mission was a little different (more wide spread and bigger in general) maybe my Mission President could see it, could see how we impacted the mission culture as a whole.

*A mission president is "a 3 year, full-time, unpaid position to supervise, train, and help 290 or so missionaries." https://www.mormon.org/me/2TDZ/Paul

Criticism

This week I worked on a poster that I have to make for a conference. I made my first draft and really didn't love it but it was as much as I could give at the moment. When my professor looked at it he gave me quite a few things to change and more advice then I really wanted to deal with at the moment. The next day I went back to it and changed it a lot. I didn't necessarily change it in the way he said but I addressed the issues his comments were about. For example he said I should create blocks around different subjects. I don't think that looks very nice and it wouldn't have worked very well with the images I already had. However, I made the flow a lot more clear, which is why he wanted me to change it in the first place.
I learned that technique from my Dad. He told us that when he was writing his dissertation his adviser kept rewriting sections of his work, and as his adviser was not a native english speaker they always sounded terrible. Finally, my Dad realized that he didn't need to write what his adviser said, he just needed to rewrite where his adviser said.
I've heard that the author Shannon Hale said something similar. When someone tells you to fix something they are almost always right, but how they say to fix it is almost always wrong. That you have to figure out yourself. Granted I think this works for more creative types of work...
I think overall I am pretty open to criticism and take it pretty well. However, it usually is easier to make the changes if I have given it a little time. It is really hard to suppress that first spark of hurt that comes... even when I didn't love it to begin with it and kind of agree with the criticism.

Unifying Influences

I went on a fieldtrip on Satuday to more or less the middle of no where.We went off roading in 12 passenger vans... and got stuck. It took perhaps an hour, hour and a half to get both of our vans unstuck and back on a firmer road. We only had 2 shovels (but at least we had them) and we hauled flattish chunks of limestone from the nearest rock outcrop to use as planks to put under the tires. For the most part it went fine and people stayed good natured but at a few moments there was some argument and under the breath mutterings of stupidity (if they had just listened they would have known why certain things were being done). "Too many cooks in the kitchen," as someone noted.
It actually wasn't an uncommon concurrences for these poor geology vans or so I've heard.

This picture really doesn't give it justice.

Not long ago I was talking to some geology students about how close everyone seems to be in the geology department, I've heard or been part of such a tight knit university department. One of the students I was talking to explained it simply. "It's the fieldtrips." Which I think refers to both the time spent together (with more time you are more likely to become friends), but I think also to sharing hard experiences.
In High school I wrote a research paper entitled "Boosting a Nation's Self-Esteem: The Impact of the 'Space Race' on American Nationalism." Then, in my novel "Legend Speaker" I wrote about a girl who tries to unify a series of nomadic hunter-gatherer groups. When trying to figure out how to make that possible for my characters to accomplish I had a discussion with my brother and we talked about how there are three main ways to accomplish unity on the large scale.
1)A disaster like Hurricane Katrina.
2)A common enemy like most wars or more specifically 9/11.
3)A common goal such as winning the most medals in the Olympics.
The problem though is most of these are high stress situations, and as shown in the minor example of the fieldtrip that can lead to argument and tension. There are plenty of examples of high stress situations leading to the exact opposite of unity, so the question is when do they cause unity and when divisiveness. There seems to be something about success in the endeavor that lends itself to unity in the end but that might just be a circular argument.

Giving Ferns some Light

I am reading Anne of Green Gables at the moment and I was thinking about Diana, Anne's best friend. It has been a while since I have read them all but in the first one at least Diana is portrayed as kind of boring and a little slow but still endearing. It made me think of some other familiar ferns. Samwise Gamgee and Ron Weasley are both often portrayed in a similar light (especially in the beginning of the series). It seems a little sad though. Why must ferns appear in an unflattering light. Occasionally I listen to a podcast called Writing Excuses. In one of their episodes they talked about how each character should act and be written as though they are the main character in their own story, even if it is not the current story. I've always thought it would be cool to write a story like that, one where the main character is really the supporting character. In my short story Anchors I played with the idea a bit. I remember in the writing class I wrote it for one of the other students said I should have written part of the story from Nate's point of view about what he had learned in his travels (perhaps how it wasn't as glamorous as he'd hoped). I didn't do it. It would have defeated the point of the story (at least how I saw it). In Legend Speaker my main characters are definitely not ferns but I still tried to give my ferns some good scenes and character development. Maybe that is why I like stories where the main characters don't do everything because that just isn't reasonable. There is a fairly common saying "Behind every great man is a great woman." It suggests that woman throughout history have played the role of ferns, which is awesome... I just wish people would stop portraying ferns as a little dumb. Let ferns act in their own story. Sam Gamgee certainly finds his own place.

Specialization

What would you call it when someone took the time to observe a person, a place or a phenomenon and then recorded what they saw and presented it to others?

I took this picture in the center of Indianapolis and I placed it here to separate the above question from what is below because you are supposed to actually think about the answer.

Depending on the medium I would most likely call it one of two things.
Art or Science.
People like Leonardo DaVinci, and Nicolas Steno are known today as early scientists but in many ways they were also artists. The difference between these two fields (for lack of a better term) used to be quite a bit smaller. It wasn't weird to be interested in science and a painter and inventor. Plus, much of science focused on understanding the natural world and so being able to accurately sketch was invaluable.
With the onset of the industrial revolution and increasing amounts of specialization and probably even before, they were increasingly seen as drastically different.
Although the methods and the outcomes of science and art may differ, I feel like the starting point is much the same. Observation.
I was doing a lab this week and one of the assignments was to draw a fusulinid from a microscope slide. Some of my classmates were complaining about it saying that was what photographs were for but for the simple sake of the assignment when it really didn't take much time I felt it a reasonable assignment because drawing something yourself forces you to observe.
Qualitative vs quantitative analysis is often judged to be the difference between art and science but I beg to differ.
I've taken several art classes and although some things are unarguably subjective there are definite rules as well.
Science as taught in elementary school is a series of facts that can be proven true (ignoring here that science should be all about being able to falsify something). However, the more "real" science I've done the more I find that science often includes uneven dirt, and sketched in measurements. Of course I have not done white-lab-coat-science but I feel like even then there is probably some qualitative judgments going on, such as when do these numbers become significant.

I recognize that we live in a world of specialization, and I am grateful for it. I wouldn't be able to study paleontology if we didn't. But, I also wish we could view the world in a more holistic way sometimes.

Class Participation

I attend a fair amount of classes in my day to day life. Undergrad classes, graduate classes, Sunday school class and Relief Society meetings (an all woman's class held as part of our church meetings). Sometimes I enjoy noticing patterns in participation.

In mixed classes with men and women more men seem to speak up then women but the women who do speak up also tend to be the ones that speak up readily in all women classes, which isn't particularly surprising.

Personally, I participate better in classes of under 30 then larger ones (although I do remember raising my hand to identify a coati in an auditorium when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade). I have also found that I am less likely to raise my hand in new classes. I usually wait a couple of weeks before being willing to participate regularly. It is also easier to participate when I'm on the front row because I have a tendency to answer questions under my breath and so if I'm closer then the teacher will here me and ask me to repeat it. I usually sit in the back.

Also, the way I feel about the teacher changes how I participate. If the teacher is a friend or at least someone I feel bad for I am more likely to participate even if I don't have anything particularly great to say. If the teacher seems competent and reacts well to other participants' comments I am more willing to comment. If the teacher reacts badly to participants' comments or if they rub me the wrong way and have bad questions even if I have something to say I probably won't volunteer it.

All this is probably fairly common and what most people do so I am only posting this because I didn't have anything more profound to say.

Sincerity and Optimism

"Being sincerely Christlike is an even more important goal than being authentic."

This was a quote from Elder Quentin L Cook, an apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints given in a talk today.

I liked it. As I have mentioned before I really try to be sincere, but I also try to stay positive. That is basically how I took that comment. It is good to he honest and sincere but it is most important to be kind.

I recently moved into a new apartment and I mean brand new. Never lived in before. The day I moved in the kitchen table and chairs hadn't been put together yet. I've had some people ask me how I like it. Every time I end up saying something about not having hot water for showers. I wish I wouldn't. They are nice apartments, spacious, clean, comfortable but honestly most of those things I don't really care that much about or take for granted and instead I tend to notice the things like the lack of hot water and how I had to buy a trash can and a dish drainer. I'm not really upset by any of these things but I'm not in love with any of it either so I think that is why I bring up the negative. After I do though I feel like I'm complaining and I don't mean to do that either. So even if that original statement seems fairly simple I think it is trickier then it sounds.

It is even trickier when it is something that is truly meaningful, or something that I struggle with. How do you discuss something that is painful in a positive light but also be honest about it. What I have found (in the more meaningful stuff, not the apartment thing) is that I have to come to terms with it first which takes some soul searching and thinking and some divine perspective before I can answer with sincerity and optimism.

Fish Watching or Why I Would Have Been a Natural Historian

Last Saturday I sat on the banks of a river. That sounds far more picturesque then it really was. Really, I clambered down the steep bank that was littered with fallen leaves and spiderwebs to sit on the rocks on the edge of the water. I sat there for a while off and on writing and watching. After a few minutes I realized that their was fish in the river there, quite a few actually. I've often walked along that river this summer and I had noticed previously that it had been stocked, obviously stocked. Some areas seemed so filled with fish that if they had all frozen in place I could have walked across on their backs. So realizing there was fish wasn't really surprising in the sense that they were there, just surprising that I hadn't noticed them earlier. It was amazingly hard to spot them when you are on about the same plane and the water is half in sun and half in shadow.
Anyway, I noticed these fish. Then I sat watching the surface of the water and every so often I caught sight of a flash of something a little too sharp to be water. I realized the fins of the fish were poking out of the water periodically. That was kind of cool. It reminded me of the scene in the Princess Bride with the screaming eels churning the water.
After a while I realized that the fish were coming quite close to me, if I just shifted over one rock they would be within touching distance. So I went and crouched on that rock, as soon as I was on it they made their casual way farther away and out of reach. I crouched there for more then 5 minutes and they never came back. I moved back to my original position and within a minute they were back in range. Who knew fish were so sneaky? I went back to writing but then I realized I had my camera with me. It can take pictures underwater so I tried again. This time it worked, partially because I didn't need the fish to get as close.

I wouldn't say that I got any amazing pictures but they are kind of fun. These are two of the better ones.

The reason I described that experience in probably more detail then anyone would care to hear is because I just really enjoy that kind of thing (I think I would have been a Natural Historian if I lived in the 1800s) and even feel like I need it to some degree. Its refreshing or something.
My old roommate that I talked to quite a bit asked me how I thought the next semester would go. I told her among other things that I was a little worried that at my new apartment I wouldn't have any green space within easy access. She was a little surprised. Despite our many conversations she hadn't realized that that was important to me. Maybe it's because I don't talk about fish. :) Or rather observing nature doesn't really seem like something that naturally comes up that much, and it just seems a little weird to explain (as mentioned above).

Decorating

It is the time of year for moving, at least for those in the college world. I helped some of my old roommates decorate their apartment. They painted one wall.

I think it ended up looking pretty good, but I'm still not sure I would love living there. I think I might be constantly looking at it and noticing the imperfections. I can understand it more then the other wall though.
The other wall was filled with pictures and a mirror. Way to many in my opinion but it was kind of interesting because from a design point of view I had a feel for whether pieces should be higher or lower on the wall or if the colors matched, etc. Basically, I realized I could do it. I could decorate with too many pictures and trendy sayings, and do it well. I just would rather not and probably never will. I'm not saying it's bad, it just isn't me.
It reminded me of Taran Wanderer by Lloyd Alexander where Taran tries various crafts and is actually pretty talented at all of them but isn't interested in any of them until he tries pottery and loves it but isn't actually very good at it. (At least I think that's how it goes. It's been more then 10 years since I read it). I wonder how frequently that happens that people have talents for things they don't actually care about pursuing.

Deadlines and Writing Ramblings

One more week. That is all the time I have left before school starts again. This is rather a depressing thought, but there is at least one thing that I find useful about change such this, I am doubly motivated to accomplish things.

I crammed the last month and a half or so before I left on my 18 month mission full of finishing projects including a cross stitch project I had started when I was 6 or 7.

At the beginning of August I realized that my summer was drawing to a close and I set myself a plan to write more diligently in the hopes of more or less finishing the first draft of my second book. I'm not sure that will happen because my book keeps getting longer... but nevertheless I have been doing quite a bit of writing. It is a Robin Hood retelling. I have always loved Robin Hood and retellings but not historical fiction. When historical fiction is done well, meaning well researched and accurate as well as all those other pesky things like a good plot and character development it can be great, but the problem is that it often is not particularly accurate. I thought anyone who choose to write a Historical fiction was crazy.... and yet here I am writing one. It puts me in mind of a certain symmetrical black ceramic plate I saw in a museum on a fieldtrip I took with my ceramics class. We were supposed to pick an item and then recreate it. I blatantly told my professor the person who choose it must be crazy. And then I picked it myself.

I have set my Robin Hood story in the 1270s which is later then many of the Robin Hood stories (meaning King Richard and Prince John are not characters). I have done some research but there are still many questions I have, and still more questions I am sure I have not even thought to ask. Some of these questions I have put off but I will definitely have to research them eventually.

Another thing that has been interesting about writing this is that one of my main point of view characters is very different from me. Both of my point of view characters in Legend Speaker react to situations similar to how I would react. They are almost like different flavors of my own reactions rather then completely different but Hob is different and as a result I might have to go rewrite many of the earlier scenes because I hadn't gotten a very good feel for that difference yet.

Anyway, enough ramblings. Here is to natural deadlines.

Archaeology and Paleontology

When I was studying archaeology people would often ask whether I was digging up dinosaurs. Now that I am studying paleontology people ask me if I do archaeology.
I like Latin roots so here is their literal meanings based on the Latin roots based on this page on wikipdia.
"archae" means ancient
"pale" means ancient or old
"ont" means being

On my recent paleontology dig I found it interesting to compare archaeology and paleontology.
The similarities:

• the artifacts/bones are mapped on a grid system
• Artifacts/bones are closely labeled 
• a clean hole is a happy hole (as in get the dirt and the rock bits out of the hole so you can see what you are doing)
• it takes a little bit to get your search criteria right but once you have it isn't too bad
• people always stand around and take pictures of you because you are on the "inside of the zoo"

The differences (well a few of them):

• In archaeology you dig square holes, in paleontology you dig around what you want to take out
• In paleontology you take home some of the rock still stuck to the bones, in archaeology you get rid of all the dirt
• In paleontology there is a more overall interest in the geologic history of the area

Also, sometimes when I worked in Archaeology I would get annoyed that people would just stand around and watch instead of helping out, just get in and dig. On this trip I stood around a lot because (1) I didn't know what needed to be done and (2)even when I did know what needed to be done I didn't really feel qualified to do it. So overall, I felt a little more sympathetic to those I had been annoyed at before.

Being Capable Or Allowing Others to Be Capable

When I was a teenager my Mom asked me and my older brother's friend to fix some shelves in the basement. Or maybe she just asked him. Either way I kind of hijacked the work and kept trying to do everything. I wanted to use the drill and the saw etc. Afterwards I felt really dumb. I ruined his chance to be helpful and acted like a brat. After that I have been more cautious about "showing off" with manual labor especially when there are males involved. I have heard that it is important to the male ego to be able to be strong and helpful and capable.
This week I went on a dinosaur dig with some people, many of them guys. At one point we had to change a tire and several other times there was things to be carried or lifted. Some of it I physically could not do or it would have been very awkward but some of it I knew how to do, and would have enjoyed doing but I stood back and let them do it. And hence was bored and felt kind of useless.
I am assuming the guys weren't saying I couldn't do it they just wanted to take the brunt of it, which is nice. I guess I just haven't figured out a good compromise.

The Future Consequences of Coby Smi

When I was a preteen or early teenager I got to go to Build-A-Bear for my birthday. This is Coby Smi, the adventuresome koala that I built there. His backpack includes a sleeping-bag big enough for him.
It has been over ten years since I customized this bear but he still lives in a closet at my parent's home. A week ago my eleven year old nephew found Colby and was asking about him. I told him a little about Build-A-Bear and how you can choose which animal and then choose an outfit and accessories from the many options there. Dresses, pajamas, suits, superheros, dancers, magicians, cheerleaders, etc. There was a lot of options. I was surprised when my nephew ended the conversation by saying, "I just think it's cool that you dressed him like an adventurer because some girls would have just wanted a girly one with dresses and stuff." Then he walked back inside.
So basically, a fairly inconsequential decision I made more than ten years ago about a stuffed animal raised me in the esteem of my nephew now.
It brought home to me how our decisions affect us and how others see us. I was certainly gratified that he liked my taste in toys but more importantly what decisions have I made or will I make that may affect me as a role model in the future?

Expectations

On a dig I went on in Nauvoo a couple of years ago I got known as a good digger. For a while it got so that if anyone saw me mapping or screening (other vital roles and which I feel I am equally capable of) they would say "why aren't you digging? That's where we need you," (which may or may not have been true). I like digging, not arguing there but sometimes I got jealous of my friend who had got pegged as the researcher, secretary. She got to be in on meetings where she learned more about the history of Nauvoo. She on the other hand would sometimes complain to me that she wished she could just dig. Both were good roles it just would have been nice to share them a little more.*

This week the professor I TA for had to miss class. In the past he has asked another professor to sub for him but this time he asked me. He sent me his slideshow and his handouts which I read through and then did some wikipedia research and literally taught in the afternoon what I had learned in the morning. It was interesting, and I'm sure his lecture would have been more thorough, but overall I think it went pretty good.

On several occasions I have seen children, usually like 2 to 5 year olds, hang on (literally) and talk to socially awkward adults. The adults who would normally be hesitant to respond acted pretty comfortable. It seemed like the children missed the social cues that would suggest that those adults don't like to talk or be hugged so they treat them like other adults in their lives and the adults act accordingly.

So to explain the connections between these experiences.
In the Nauvoo experience both my friend and I were tied down by the expectations people made of our abilities.
In the TA experience my professor expected more of me then I thought possible, so I grew and learned a lot.
In the children example, the children don't have expectations that someone will be awkward so they treat them like anyone else.
I have heard people talking about low expectations limiting people. You expect your class not to show up on time so they don't. You expect someone to not want to talk to you so they don't.... but I had never thought about how low expectations can literally take away growth opportunities. No one expected me to do anything but dig so I never got the opportunity to do anything else. Thus, the reverse is true too. If you have high expectations of someone, maybe higher then they have for themselves you will give them opportunities to do more (like my professor).
So then the obvious question is how often do we limit ourselves (or those around us) by our low expectations?


*These roles were a little more overlapped and shared the other years I worked in Nauvoo.

Confidence and Experience

I took a ceramics class in my second(?) year of college. I think one of the hardest parts of the class for me was going into the ceramics lab to work on projects when I was not specifically scheduled to be there. I remember walking up to the doors but because they were closed o this particular occasion and generally they were propped open I couldn't bring myself to push them open and go in.
Now, looking back I can totally understand my hesitation but I don't think I would run away anymore (I hope).
This week my sister and I were talking about self-confidence and how to develop it yourself or encourage it in others. The conclusion we came to is that new experiences tend to bring more confidence. There could be two reasons for this. One, if I work long enough on the same thing I learn more of the in and outs of whatever it is (whether it is learning Microsoft Excel or playing frisbee). Thus, I gain confidence in that specific area because I am more comfortable with it.
That would help with confidence in a specific area but if I want to gain more confidence in general I think the key is varied experiences because that way I have more things I can relate to and more experience in trying new things itself. While trying lots of different things perhaps instead of learning the ins and outs of a particular skill I learn the ins and outs of being uncomfortable and what types of things make me uncomfortable and what type of things I can do to alleviate it while still participating.
I'm by no means amazing at this but it is certainly something to think about.

Negative Impressions

Once I was walking with an acquaintance through a building on campus. There was several people in the hall and one of them held out a bag of bakery cookies. "Do you want these cookies?"

"No thanks." I said.

"Really? They're fresh."

I declined again but my companion said that she would take them which she did. As we took the elevator up to the third floor my companion asked if I liked cookies or just didn't like taking food from strangers. I said neither and she promptly shared one of the cookies with me which I enjoyed.

The problem is that my gut response to most new things is "no." That goes for invitations to activities, new clothes on racks, etc.

I am especially bad with clothes. I often see clothes on racks in stores and think they are ugly but then if I put them on later or see others wearing them I will often think they look fine or even start really liking them. I just think it is surprising how first impressions for me tend to be indifferent or negative even if the long term opinion may be the complete opposite or at least unrelated.

Productivity v. Sociality

I apologize before I even start. This will be another dichotomy with a solution that ends up predictably somewhere in between.... like what always (for moderate values of always) happens.
Lately I have really bonded with a couple of my roommates and we have spent a lot of talking. Sometimes when one of us needs to discuss something and sometimes just because it is fun. As a result of this I have not worked on some of my projects as much as I would have liked. However, this weekend they were both gone and I spent the majority of the time reading (delicious) and writing or doing other projects. It was excellent, and reminded me of the summer before returning to grad school. Very productive but low on sociality, the opposite of the past couple of weeks lots of sociality not much productivity. Both are good, and I enjoy both but what I seem to be bad at is having a balance between them, at least in the short term. I feel like I can go whole months with one or the other and I start missing the other but don't quite know how to make the other happen, either because there are too many people around and I can't tell them no, or because there are no people around and I can't seem to find them. I guess its not all bad to have a "time and season" for everything, or in other words be balanced in the long term if not the short term, but it certainly seems better to be more balanced all the time... I just don't know how to make that happen.

Collections

Over the years I have collected various things, some of them more random then others. Stuffed animals, pokemon cards, socks, polished rocks, and miniature bears are some of the more common ones. I also collected napkins for a while and many of you know of my firehydrant picture collection.
When I was probably about 12 I took my napkin collection and made them into a series of collages that we hung in our finished attic for a while. Later we threw them away.
I know other people who have collections of coins, stamps, nativity sets, elephants, cabbage patch dolls, lego sets, decorative plates, etc.
Frequently collection items seem to be fairly useless, at least in the quantity they are collected although some have monetary value. And it can be almost disturbing when there are so many of whatever it is that they fill an entire room (like a room devoted to cabbage patch dolls... yes I have seen one of these). However it seems like the benefit f many collections, especially those that aren't coins or whatever, is that the objects are usually connected with a place or a person. Really they aren't collecting plates, they are collecting memories of places or people etc. which is actually pretty cool, and in my opinion that makes for a lot more entertaining decor then generic cutsey decorations.

Learning New Things

Since school ended I have been working on my thesis (and getting paid for it!). Basically it is doing something I am totally unqualified to do. Designing a computer database using programs I've never used before. I feel like I go through cycles as I have dived in to learning about this subject.
Stage 1: Floundering. What in the world am I supposed to be doing?
Stage 2: Oh I get it! This is when I start playing around with the program and kind of have figured out a little what I need to do and so I start doing it, and looking up little things on google (how to separate one cell into multiple cells in excel?).
Stage 3: Discouragement. I did all that but it's either not working or I read something and realize I am doing it wrong but don't know how to fix it.
Stage 4: Research I. I break down and ask someone (if I can find someone to ask... a big problem) or finally get a book. I feel like is this really worth my time, but realize I don't really have a choice.
Stage 5: Research II. I am slightly frustrated because I realize this is how and why I was doing it wrong and how I should have done it. Why didn't I read this earlier.
Stage 6: Realization. If I had read the book or asked earlier I wouldn't have understood what they were saying so although it feels repetitive it was good I had already gone through steps 1-3 because I now know what it is referring to.
Step 7: Victory. I do it right and it works and its awesome!!!
Step 8: What? How am I back at Step 1 again? I came so far and now I'm just floundering again...

What is unfortunate is Step 7 always feels really short and Step 3... it can last a long time. :(
Obviously this isn't a perfect representation of my 3 or so weeks of work but it is the main idea. just be grateful I didn't go into the details of databases... I know far more about databases then I did 3 weeks ago (and still not enough). It has definitely been a frustrating but invigorating experience... and not really what I expected.

Legend Speaker

So as I've mentioned before I wrote a book. I am doing some last minute formatting stuff (although it might take a while I might have to teach myself another program to make it work right!) and then I plan to release it as an ebook. Crazy right? This is the cover I made for it using gimp and inkscape.

Below is the blurb I wrote for the back. And just to be clear this is not an advertisement! But I do like to put some of my creative stuff on here sometimes.

Dreya, a young woman and daughter of a noble, lives with her family on the edge of a desert, a seeming wasteland that has drawn her since she first heard of it at her grandfather's knee. During one night's desert wandering she meets Wrael, a member of a feared race of nomads called Night Walkers. Unable to ignore the desert's call, Dreya continues to sneak out and she and Wrael become friends. Her new friendship forces her to choose between risking her father's love and the death of Wrael's people.
When Dreya sacrifices her home she hopes to find belonging among the Night Walkers. But running away from home isn't as easy as she hopes. The meat is raw, the desert is brutal, the culture is foreign and she can't even understand the language. Even with Wrael's protection, and Erok's training Dreya doesn't find her place until she draws on her unique heritage to help the Night Walker's remember their own.
Then death strikes, a warlord rises, and her homeland is threatened.
Only with the help of hesitant family, loyal friends, and honorable enemies will Dreya be able to keep the kingdom of her birth and the people of her heart from destroying each other.

Loving Characters is Easier than Loving People

Last night I watched North and South with my roommate. It is one of my favorite movies, and is basically Pride and Prejudice 50 years later with societal issues about how to deal with the industrial revolution. However, that is not really the reason I bring it up. My roommate, who has also watched it several times and has read the book, and I were talking about the characters like they were real people. It's amazing how much I want them all to end up well (even though I know the ending) and I can see the good in them even though I can also see their faults. Mr Thornton acts harder then he is and definitely has a temper but he also has integrity. Nicolas Higgins is rough around the edges, and has no patience for cowardice but is devoted to his daughters and his cause. Even Fanny, Mr Thorton's sister, who is spoiled, petty, and silly really just craves her families love and respect. So now to the point. I feel like I know these characters and can love them for their good characteristics despite their faults, maybe even seeing the good in their faults. So if these characters are supposed to be people and I have met lots of people why is it so hard to love real people in the same way?
The reason I love these characters is because I know their history and I have spent time with them. I have seen how they act with their families, and in the work place and what they do when they are angry or sad or happy.
Most people I meet I just don't spend that time with. I don't know their backstory, why they are the way they are or how they react to different situations.
I'm not quite sure what to do with this but I still thought I would share it.

Consuming and Creating: Part 8: Bored

School got out!
I've had two roommates that seem bored out of their minds because they don't have school and they haven't gotten jobs yet.
I can't understand them!
The first one exercised and balanced her checkbook and called and talked to her Mom for hours.
The second one sleeps a lot and watches TV.
So this week, my first week out of school and before I started working on Thursday I spent almost one whole day reading obsessively (I finished Calamity by Brandon Sanderson in a day)... but the other days I spent working on my book, drawing, and weeding. There are always so many projects I want to (or should) work on. Art, exercise, school, writing. I don't have time for it all. I was talking about it with my Mom who is a "stay-at-home Mom" with no kids at home... but she is probably one of the most productive people I know. She said she frequently is asked if she gets bored. "No, but I do get lonely."
I would agree with that. Sometimes I do get bored because I do the same thing for too long or I consume too much because for some reason I don't want to actually be productive but I always feel like I have something I could do.
It seems that some people don't know how to be creative if they are not being told by someone to do it... and so then all they can do is consume, and no matter who you are or what you are consuming it seems to me like you will always get bored (eventually) if their isn't any creativity in your diet.
I have wondered what makes the difference. Why do some people need a job to feel busy and others don't. Is it practice? age? personality? I'm not sure but I would lean towards personality or practice.

Presentations

This semester I have had to present quite a few presentations. I would call them PowerPoint presentations but I didn't do them with PowerPoint (I used Google slides), but I don't know what else to call them (like a Kleenex).
I find it interesting that my process in making a presentation is a little different then how I would write a paper, although some of my teachers talk about it like it is the same thing.
The main differences are that for presentations I try to think of how to portray my ideas in images or in as few words as possible. Images are tricky though because you can get images of almost anything on the internet but that doesn't mean it is legal to use it.
Sometimes I think I get distracted by trying to make things pretty or I should say, visibly appealing. Especially because I think some of my teachers could care less about the slides and grade it all on your presentation skills. Which brings up another point. Through several experiences this semester I have realized that I do much better at speaking in front of people when I don't have to memorize the words, and I can just talk. Finally, I often feel awkward doing PowerPoint presentations because I hate reading my slides for the audience. They can read it themselves! but yet I have to say something. I find it hard to balance between talking about the slides and letting my audience read them. Perhaps that is why I prefer the slides that have pictures because then I can just explain the pictures.

This was my opening slide. I made the explosions.

This slide went with the previous presentation. I made the little sparks. I used them throughout the presentation.

This was the one slide I could use for my 3 Minute Thesis. I tweaked it for the final version and included references, but I did make the diagram in the bottom right.

I just put some transparency on the background for this one. But I think it makes it less boring.

This one I made with inkscape (vectors are cool!) to illustrate the process.

This is from a presentation on coal. I made the diagram, but I liked the comparison between the two columns as well.

This was also from my coal presentation. I basically remade a chart from an article I made using some of the terms that we used in my class instead of using the terms that were used in the article. 

Just so you know, these are the funner slides from my presentations. Most of them are just boring lists. I have to admit, when I watch other people present I judge their blurry pictures, and the ones where they don't reference where they got the image.

Super Scientists Unite

For one of my classes I had to write a paper answering some questions based on an article we read.
This is the information of the article I had to read:
England, P., 2007, John Perry's neglected critique of Kelvin's age for the Earth: A missed opportunity in geodynamics: Geological Society of America Today, v. 17, no.1, p. 4-9.

This is a slightly shortened version of my paper:

The age of the earth has been a controversial issue ever since people started guessing or calculating it. At times this has been a religious controversy but at other times it was a controversy between scientific disciplines. This was the case during the late 1800s. Lord Kelvin was an esteemed physicist even being called “the highest authority in science now living” by his contemporary, Mark Twain. Unfortunately, however he was not a geologist. Thus, when he and his associate, John Perry, came up with an age that was far too short from a geological perspective, they were widely criticized or ignored. Ultimately, this stunted geologic theory well into the 20^th century.

In order to calculate the age of the earth Lord Kelvin used a simplified model of the earth. He based his model and calculations on three assumptions: (1) energy is conserved (2) the interior of the earth is a homogenous solid, and (3) all heat sources for the planet were known. Unfortunately, the second and third assumptions were inaccurate. The interior of the earth is neither homogenous nor does it act like a solid. Also, there was another important source of heat that was unknown at that time. Although John Perry did not have all the answers he suspected that the assumptions made by his former mentor were incorrect, not his math. Surprisingly enough, it was not these assumptions that Lord Kelvin was criticized for. Instead, it was his simplified model and calculations that were attacked by geologists and others. Geologists believed that the earth and uniformitarian processes were far too complex to be accounted for by a model. Physicists, after all, are known for simplifying problems. According to Kelvin one geologist, Andrew Ramsey, even said that the two of them might as well agree to disagree because each of their fields was far too complex for the other to understand. If however, these two highly intelligent men would have been willing to try to share their specific knowledge, then perhaps in their collaboration they would have learned the strengths in each others arguments and the weaknesses in their own. Unfortunately this did not occur.

Coming from a background of two disciplines myself, I am often surprised and disturbed at the lack of communication and respect between disciplines, sometimes even similar scientific disciplines. Too often different disciplines apparently relearn the same material, sometimes even coining new words that mean the same thing, or using the same word to mean the opposite thing. This makes communication almost impossible. There should be more of a focus on cross-disciplinary teams who can look at the same problem from different perspectives. Then, when there is a problem like Lord Kelvin's impossibly short age of the earth the true inconsistencies and failures can be found instead of just believing that because the science came from another discipline it must have been done in ignorance.

Deciding to Pay Attention

Since returning school I have had quite a few text books and articles to read. Surprise! :) Many of them are pretty dense and I can read them and not take in anything but I can also choose to digest it. This takes a lot more time and effort but I think it is definitely worth it. I mean really how helpful is it to read it to just say you have read it? 

Sometimes the digesting is nigh on impossible usually because of brain burn out (or too high of a cognitive load if you want to sound smart) or because there are too many distractions but I have been amazed at how much just the decision to want to understand can make. These are some of the things I do to understanding text (or lectures) that are at first pretty dense:

• Decide to pay attention
• Look up words I don't know
• This is particularly important if they show up more then once
• Not only do I look up the definition but I like to look up the etymology because it helps me remember it better
• Be willing to read a sentence or paragraph more than once if I don't get it the first time
• Look at the figures preferably when the text is talking about it
• Make notes
• If I have to think about something for a little bit before I get it I like to paraphrase it in the margin afterwards

Alright, most of those things are probably pretty obvious but I have to admit again how surprised I've been by how much just deciding that I can understand makes. 

I came across a scripture today that kind of said the same thing "...I am left to mourn because of ... the ignorance... of men; for they will not search knowledge, nor understand great knowledge, when it is given unto them in plainness, even as plain as word can be." (2 Nephi 32:7 emphasis added).

It is sometimes (always) just easier (lazier) not to try to figure it out, but it is incredibly satisfying to figure it out. The big words are not generally there just to be big and intimidating and to make the author look smart (although that does happen sometimes) they are there because they are more precise and actually convey the meaning better than a bunch of easier but imprecise words.

What looks good

I took a class about the History of Clothing. It was fascinating, but not until recently have I really seen/noticed fads in my life time. When I was in highschool flared pants were popular with form fitting shirts. Now it seems like almost the opposite. Loose blouses and tight legged pants.

I've heard people talk about how wearing those tight pants makes you look good, shows off your figure, etc. I feel like the same arguments were made when I was in high school about a completely different fashion. Also, because of that class I took, it seems as if it has always been that way. Personally I've always liked pants to go over the top of boots not tucked inside them. Now my question is, do I like that look better because when I was developing what little fashion sense I have that was the fashion or is there some other reason.

It just all seems so arbitrary, and it makes me wonder why you should even bother because it will never last. Once I heard a quote that said something like "Fads come and go but you can always be classy."

Shirt Design

I was sitting in class this week when I randomly had a cool idea for a T-shirt. The first row is my Doppler effect T-shirt.
Bottom left is my Brandon Sanderson shirt, and the bottom right is a Mormon or Christian shirt based on 1 Peter 2:2.
I feel like there are other geeky ideas for shirts that I have thought of before but I can't think of them now.

Funny thing is. I rarely wear shirts with words on them or even well know symbols or designs. I don't like the idea of making it too obvious what kind of person I am, or the things I like just by what I wear.... Of course the styles I choose to wear say some things already, but still.

Controversial Majors

As I have joined the geology department I have heard quite a few people talk about how the age of the earth is controversial among some religious individuals, as in the age was built in literally seven days (or at most 7000 years).
When I was studying anthropology evolution came up several times. Did  humans really evolve from apes (usually I say monkeys because it sounds better even though it is not accurate)?
Neither of these topics really seemed like a big issue to me. I believe in an old earth and that evolution takes place and even though I don't know how human evolution worked I know we are literally children of God. Although I do have my opinions I certainly don't doubt the compatibility of science and religion.
The part I think is funny though is how I seem to pick the controversial majors, and I don't even notice it until I am in it. Who knew I was such a radical thinker :).

Doodling

This week during a somewhat boring class while I was a little stressed about other things I was trying to relieve some of my energy. Unfortunately I was taking notes on my computer, something I don't usually do. So this is some of the things I was typing:
asdl;kfasd;lkfa'sdkl;gja';dklajsdlkjhasifleahal,xmnaSL;FA;LKSDFA
corndogs and cornflakes like wildebeests that are wild in the swimming pool

It didn't work.
Later when I was talking to my mom I realized what I had been trying to do was doodle.... but doodling on a keyboard is decidedly unsatisfactory. The first line isn't creative enough to make me feel better and the second line just makes me want to be more creative which isn't good if I'm trying to at least kind of pay attention.
I'm old fashioned but I still write in my journal with pen and ink and I doodle.

This is a few examples all smushed together from only the last 10 months or so (the best of it).

Maybe because it is a little bit more balanced creativity it is more fulfilling.
I did something similar in high school with my Math class notes and homework.

For Christmas I got an electronic device that for the first time is convenient for me to take digital notes on scriptures and other things (yes I'm behind the curve). I really like it but sometimes I'm frustrated by the restrictions on the notes. Often when I take notes in books I am just writing something in the margins that connects more with the main idea of an entire verse or paragraph and not just a single word or phrase, but you have to connect your thought (that can't be drawn by the way) with some of the words. Perhaps that is why there is some devices that are becoming more a little versatile where you can switch back and forth between typing and using a stylus. There is definitely a place for both I feel like. 

Surprised

Yesterday I walked to the grocery store like I normally do on Saturdays. As I was walking along the path I saw a kid with a skateboard walk up from the Macey's parking lot. He put his skateboard on the path and sat down on it and pulled something out of a shopping bag. As I approached he said "Do you want some dark chocolate?" and held out a Ghiradelli chocolate square. Much against my normal inclination I said "sure" and took the chocolate said thanks and wished him a good day.
I took candy from a stranger! Granted I haven't eaten it yet :) although I plan on it.
Sometimes I am surprised at how surprised I am when strangers are kind. Maybe it is my New England heritage. I've heard it said that you expect everyone to act like you yourself would. That would account for some of my confusion (I would not offer strangers chocolate or even give a true smile to someone else coming up the path towards me) but I feel like I'm pretty considerate to strangers in general. But there you have it.

Sincerity

How was your week?

A week or two ago someone told me I was one of the most sincere people she had met. I have been thinking about that ever since. I do try to be sincere. It is similar to when my sister called me blunt. I make an effort to say what I feel and if I don't want to say it I am far more likely to avoid the conversation, turn it somehow or say something frivolous rather than lie. Even when I'm playing games or when people are teasing I am occasionally surprised by the realization that it would have been totally reasonable to shade the truth.
I think this is one of the reasons I dislike vague compliments and generic good wishes, both in giving and receiving them. If I can't give a meaningful real compliment why give one at all?
There is one major exception though. The causal greeting. When I was in high school I remember venting to my brother about meaningless how-are-yous. He told me I could say "tomatoes" instead of "good" or "fine" because how-are-yous are generally just about acknowledging the other persons existence not really communicating well being. I never did by the way. I know someone who always just says "I'm not dead yet" and another who says "couldn't be better" every single time, and it kind of drives me nuts. If you aren't going to be honest or real by at least varying your response I kind of feel like you might as well just say the generic "good" or "fine" instead of drawing attention to your meaningless answer. For a while in high school I answered with a pessimistic "splendid." But lately I've decided I can be better than that, and answer honestly without being pessimistic.
A couple of months ago I asked an acquaintance how she was and she said "it could be worse" after a pause. I respected that. I could have easily moved on and not said anything about it or I could have asked her more details. It was a vague enough answer that it wasn't like she was baring her soul awkwardly in common conversation but it also felt honest. I ended up saying "Well that was a safe answer." She went on to tell me of some medical problems she was dealing with and it was a really good conversation. If she hadn't been honest, I would have never asked. And really sometimes it is nice to be asked, but people aren't psychic (even if we wish they were at times) so if I want them to ask I have to be honest enough with them that they know to ask.

My week was long, but the weekend has been good.

Continued Interests

The other day one of my professors was talking about sea floor spreading. He said that he remembered when the National Geographic came out with maps showing the mid-oceanic ridges and he would spend hours pouring over them.
When he told us this I was like "Woah, I never did that." Then as I thought about it more I remembered being fascinated by a picture of a sabertooth cat that we had. On one side of the semi  transparent paper was a furred artists renditions and on the other side was the cats skeleton. I remember thinking it was super cool.
Now I would love to be a paleontologist.
I also have a whole collection of rocks and semi precious stones from my childhood.
Now I'm studying geology.
When I was little I also had a set of children's books I wrote and illustrated.
I still like to write and do art n occasion.
I remember playing outside for long hours or indoors with legos pretending I had to survive and figuring out how best to do so, basically the beginnings of experimental archaeology.
It is just kind of surprising how many things I liked when I was a kid I still am interested in and am pursuing.
It makes me wonder what things my nieces and nephews do now that they will someday look back at and say "I can't believe I've always done that."

"Refuse to be Boring"

The spring after my High School graduation I had this conversation with one of my best friends (M) from High School over instant messenger (when people still did that).

M: it was so windy on monday!
it was insane
I almost got knocked over

me: I LOVE wind
but that sounds a bit much
:)

M: I tried jumping off of the sidewalk to fly

me: lol
did it work

M: but the only thing that happened was the state security guard at the state house looked at me funny
I refuse to be an adult entirely, or at least I refuse to be boring

me: well that's good. life is far to boring if you don't stomp in puddles and wade through snow..... or try to fly



Sometimes I think I take life and myself too seriously. I think a little laughter and a little silliness is often in order, or in other words find the joy in life, and ignore the security guards who look at you funny.
I went for a walk in the snow yesterday, and laughed with myself for the shear beauty of it, and for getting my pants wet when I slid down the slide. 
The scriptures often talk about being childlike, I think that is one way to do it; by being free to admit the wonder and joy of the world around you (and it makes immortality more appealing).

I gave this little girl a hat and boots for the winter weather.

Creative Engineering

The other day at a social function I stacked several bowls and Styrofoam cups on top of each other to make a tower. It was pretty impressive I thought. While I was doing it someone jokingly said "You should be an engineer."
A few days before that I had to make a powerpoint slide for a presentation and I ended up working on it probably longer than was necessary but I think it turned out really good. My geology professor asked if I had asked for help.
Sometimes it hits me as odd how much people seem to demand that arts and science can't be mixed, or at least are surprised when they are. But honestly I think they are far more similar than some people realize. We should live in a holistic world as my anthropology professors would say. Enough of my rant (sometimes I feel like perhaps I am too redundant). Here are some of the creative things I've been doing lately.

A graham cracker train station and train.

Sculpey clay ornaments

Grocery bag wrapping paper

Scrap Paper t

Same Subject Many Levels

This semester I am taking an entry level class, a undergraduate upper division class and a graduate class all in geology. It has been rather strange. First it has been interesting to see how the different classes are run. I had forgotten what busy work feels like. I don't particularly like it. It has also been interesting to be learning some of the same things at different levels of intensity at the same time. There seems to be quite a bit of overlap although I'm not sure I should call it overlap. It is more like information building on top of information. At least that is how it would be if I wasn't learning it all simultaneously. I have also found myself rather embarrassed at admitting to taking such a basic class. Which is just prideful but it just seems to emphasize the whole "wow you are behind aren't you..."
I'm glad I am taking the classes that I am. They have been interesting in themselves but also interesting to take all at once.

Yin Yang

In general I feel like I am pretty good at going with the flow. I don't mind too much when I don't know about plans that concern me until the last minute. Actually I might be too good at... it means I have a tendency to let people run my life.
That is why I was kind of surprised when a few weeks ago one of my roommates told me at 11:15 that I should be in bed... She was super surprised I wasn't already asleep. And it was kind of unusual, I am generally in bed with the lights off between 10:30 and 11:00 (I already know I'm an odd college student... or just odd in general). It made me realize just how habit oriented I am. I like to go to bed around the same time. Get up around the same time, same morning routine. Make my lunch the night before. Go up to school at the same time. Go home around the same time. etc.
And so how do I reconcile these two things. Super habit driven, and yet flexible. I don't think I will worry about it.  I feel like there are so many parts of my personality that are almost opposite, and I've noticed it in other people too. It's fascinating, and it makes writing stories with realistic characters all the more difficult.

A Year in Review

Sometimes I wish I was more excitable. All these holidays come and go and somehow they don't feel any different from normal days... well with a bit more family :). I think part of my problem is I don't take the time or effort to actually spend the time thinking about what we are celebrating. So here is my attempt at celebrating New Years.

Many people, especially before facebook and email, would send out Christmas or New Years cards about what they had done that year. Here is my lame excuse of one.... (Just the other day I was thinking how lame these are when people just post them to social media and don't send them out to the people they actually care about, and expect others to do the work for them..... Maybe I will send out emails too).

Anyway. This year:
I spent a long time improving my artistic talents (sometimes paid and most of the time not). This is especially true of vector graphics (using inkscape). I've really enjoyed doing some fun things with it and feeling more confident in saying, "sure I can do that, and if not I can figure it out."
Despite resolutions to the contrary I started writing another book. I like writing... even though I complain about it sometimes.
I found out I still love Nauvoo, Illinois. I went there twice and even though I've been to all the places, in a sense "I've done it all" I still love it there, especially wandering around at night. I think I like walking.
I learned I am a good student, even when I don't have the background I should have in the subjects I'm studying, and I enjoy it to.
I was told I was blunt, and I've come to believe it, but there are some times when it would be helpful if I was more decisive (less scared to be decisive).
I discovered that my heart is not open. I am really bad at loving people, and I think it is because I am so defensive, I try not to feel (because I'm scared of rejection?). I'm working on this.
I learned more about friendship. It's possible. It's nice. It's vulnerable.
I realized I can't do it by myself, and I'm grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who comes to my rescue when I ask (and sometimes when I don't).

And I still think I think too much. :)

So there is what I learned this year (at least some highlights) and not so much what I did. I look forward (with hope, and excitement and a little fear) to what I will get to learn this next year. It looks a little fuzzy still, but that's as it should be.