The Future Consequences of Coby Smi

When I was a preteen or early teenager I got to go to Build-A-Bear for my birthday. This is Coby Smi, the adventuresome koala that I built there. His backpack includes a sleeping-bag big enough for him.
It has been over ten years since I customized this bear but he still lives in a closet at my parent's home. A week ago my eleven year old nephew found Colby and was asking about him. I told him a little about Build-A-Bear and how you can choose which animal and then choose an outfit and accessories from the many options there. Dresses, pajamas, suits, superheros, dancers, magicians, cheerleaders, etc. There was a lot of options. I was surprised when my nephew ended the conversation by saying, "I just think it's cool that you dressed him like an adventurer because some girls would have just wanted a girly one with dresses and stuff." Then he walked back inside.
So basically, a fairly inconsequential decision I made more than ten years ago about a stuffed animal raised me in the esteem of my nephew now.
It brought home to me how our decisions affect us and how others see us. I was certainly gratified that he liked my taste in toys but more importantly what decisions have I made or will I make that may affect me as a role model in the future?

Expectations

On a dig I went on in Nauvoo a couple of years ago I got known as a good digger. For a while it got so that if anyone saw me mapping or screening (other vital roles and which I feel I am equally capable of) they would say "why aren't you digging? That's where we need you," (which may or may not have been true). I like digging, not arguing there but sometimes I got jealous of my friend who had got pegged as the researcher, secretary. She got to be in on meetings where she learned more about the history of Nauvoo. She on the other hand would sometimes complain to me that she wished she could just dig. Both were good roles it just would have been nice to share them a little more.*

This week the professor I TA for had to miss class. In the past he has asked another professor to sub for him but this time he asked me. He sent me his slideshow and his handouts which I read through and then did some wikipedia research and literally taught in the afternoon what I had learned in the morning. It was interesting, and I'm sure his lecture would have been more thorough, but overall I think it went pretty good.

On several occasions I have seen children, usually like 2 to 5 year olds, hang on (literally) and talk to socially awkward adults. The adults who would normally be hesitant to respond acted pretty comfortable. It seemed like the children missed the social cues that would suggest that those adults don't like to talk or be hugged so they treat them like other adults in their lives and the adults act accordingly.

So to explain the connections between these experiences.
In the Nauvoo experience both my friend and I were tied down by the expectations people made of our abilities.
In the TA experience my professor expected more of me then I thought possible, so I grew and learned a lot.
In the children example, the children don't have expectations that someone will be awkward so they treat them like anyone else.
I have heard people talking about low expectations limiting people. You expect your class not to show up on time so they don't. You expect someone to not want to talk to you so they don't.... but I had never thought about how low expectations can literally take away growth opportunities. No one expected me to do anything but dig so I never got the opportunity to do anything else. Thus, the reverse is true too. If you have high expectations of someone, maybe higher then they have for themselves you will give them opportunities to do more (like my professor).
So then the obvious question is how often do we limit ourselves (or those around us) by our low expectations?


*These roles were a little more overlapped and shared the other years I worked in Nauvoo.

Confidence and Experience

I took a ceramics class in my second(?) year of college. I think one of the hardest parts of the class for me was going into the ceramics lab to work on projects when I was not specifically scheduled to be there. I remember walking up to the doors but because they were closed o this particular occasion and generally they were propped open I couldn't bring myself to push them open and go in.
Now, looking back I can totally understand my hesitation but I don't think I would run away anymore (I hope).
This week my sister and I were talking about self-confidence and how to develop it yourself or encourage it in others. The conclusion we came to is that new experiences tend to bring more confidence. There could be two reasons for this. One, if I work long enough on the same thing I learn more of the in and outs of whatever it is (whether it is learning Microsoft Excel or playing frisbee). Thus, I gain confidence in that specific area because I am more comfortable with it.
That would help with confidence in a specific area but if I want to gain more confidence in general I think the key is varied experiences because that way I have more things I can relate to and more experience in trying new things itself. While trying lots of different things perhaps instead of learning the ins and outs of a particular skill I learn the ins and outs of being uncomfortable and what types of things make me uncomfortable and what type of things I can do to alleviate it while still participating.
I'm by no means amazing at this but it is certainly something to think about.

Negative Impressions

Once I was walking with an acquaintance through a building on campus. There was several people in the hall and one of them held out a bag of bakery cookies. "Do you want these cookies?"

"No thanks." I said.

"Really? They're fresh."

I declined again but my companion said that she would take them which she did. As we took the elevator up to the third floor my companion asked if I liked cookies or just didn't like taking food from strangers. I said neither and she promptly shared one of the cookies with me which I enjoyed.

The problem is that my gut response to most new things is "no." That goes for invitations to activities, new clothes on racks, etc.

I am especially bad with clothes. I often see clothes on racks in stores and think they are ugly but then if I put them on later or see others wearing them I will often think they look fine or even start really liking them. I just think it is surprising how first impressions for me tend to be indifferent or negative even if the long term opinion may be the complete opposite or at least unrelated.