I realized something about myself this week. And I can't decide how I feel about it. I realized that my brand of perfectionist relates to homework. This means my homework rules my life and I feel that I have to completely do every bit of homework, every reading assignment, every piece of busy work. I do well in school, but sometimes I wonder if it is all completely necessary. It's odd really though I've never been a grade eater, I don't care if I get perfect grades, 4.0's, whatever. To me I think it has more to do with pleasing the teacher, I like people to think highly of me (I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that feeling). But it really isn't all about being a people pleaser either, it's just I feel like a slacker when I don't do everything that is asked of me. And it's not necessary. But that's how I am. I don't really know how to change, and yet I'm not sure I want to either. It's good to be able to be proud of your work.... but when it takes up your whole life it's kind of annoying too.
Before I started thinking about this I hadn't really thought I was a perfectionist. I guess there is room for everyone in that happy home. Just like everyone is creative or patient in different things. Maybe everyone is a perfectionist in some degree. What kind are you? and do you mind?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Complaining
So a couple of days ago someone challenged me to refrain from complaining the weeks preceding Thanksgiving. I thought OK, I can do that. I'm not a particularly negative person, I can do that.
I've failed. Badly.
My first challenge came when I was in a situation where other people were complaining. I understood their grievances and could commiserate, so I became just another member of the group and joined them.
Failure one. Complaining by Association.
Next I had a bizarre experience happen to me. I was trying to print 20 copies of a 14 page paper for my writing class. At the first computer lab I ran out of free copies. At the second there was a line to even get into use a computer, and I was running out of time. The third computer lab let me print the rest of the copies that I needed. Too bad they then took my ID hostage until I put more money on it to pay for all those pages. During all this I was happy, I was laughing. Life was good. But it was so bizarre I wanted to tell people about it, but whenever I did I felt like I was complaining.
Failure two. Sounds like complaining.
Then, that odd day was followed by two miserable ones. I had a lot of homework and nothing seemed to work out. Really, that's not why I was mad though. I was just feeling grumpy. And so I vented my feelings, crying and complaining. I was overall miserable.
Failure three. Actual Complaining (with the emotion and attitude behind it).
Ha. I thought it would be easy. Easy to be grateful and happy. Nope. It's hard. But the challenge succeeded in one way, I may not have stopped complaining but I've been a lot more aware of when I do complain.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I've failed. Badly.
My first challenge came when I was in a situation where other people were complaining. I understood their grievances and could commiserate, so I became just another member of the group and joined them.
Failure one. Complaining by Association.
Next I had a bizarre experience happen to me. I was trying to print 20 copies of a 14 page paper for my writing class. At the first computer lab I ran out of free copies. At the second there was a line to even get into use a computer, and I was running out of time. The third computer lab let me print the rest of the copies that I needed. Too bad they then took my ID hostage until I put more money on it to pay for all those pages. During all this I was happy, I was laughing. Life was good. But it was so bizarre I wanted to tell people about it, but whenever I did I felt like I was complaining.
Failure two. Sounds like complaining.
Then, that odd day was followed by two miserable ones. I had a lot of homework and nothing seemed to work out. Really, that's not why I was mad though. I was just feeling grumpy. And so I vented my feelings, crying and complaining. I was overall miserable.
Failure three. Actual Complaining (with the emotion and attitude behind it).
Ha. I thought it would be easy. Easy to be grateful and happy. Nope. It's hard. But the challenge succeeded in one way, I may not have stopped complaining but I've been a lot more aware of when I do complain.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Rainbow and Lighthouse
So the other day someone t
old me that they had always wanted a picture of a lighthouse with a rainbow in it. I set out to create one. Strangely enough I don't feel like I have a ton of free time so I didn't want to do anything too crazy. Plus I am already in the middle of a full blown acrylic painting, so I didn't want to start another one. I thought about doing charcoal... but black and white didn't seem very conducive to a rainbow. I thought about a couple of other mediums, pen and ink, craypa, scrapbook. Can you tell I like to play around with different things?Finally I pulled out my box of watercolor colored pencils. The premise is that you draw something with these colored pencils and then paint over it with water and the colors bleed out just like the coloring books for kids. Except you put the color where you want. It's kind of a tricky process because its hard to know how much color you'll need to make it vibrant. I haven't played with them in a long time and as you can probably tell the grass and rocks and ocean probably don't have enough color. But it was a fun endeavor. It also would have been better if I had had real watercolor paper.... it doesn't soak up the water quite so bad and curl the paper. I taped the paper down with masking tape before I started painting it with water, so that helped a lot.
Anyway this was a fun little adventure. Too bad the picture turned out a little dark. We'll see if the lady likes it.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Stirring Hornets
I forgot to post last week. And I even had an idea. Well you get it now.
A couple of days ago my dad told a story that a friend from work had told him. At a scout camp he was attending several young men all got attached by wasps. After medical attention was provided they were asked what happened. One boy confessed that he had found a long stick and seeing a wasp nest in a nearby tree he found it his fascinating duty to knock the nest from the tree. Once that was accomplished he found that that was not enough. He then proceeded to catapult the nest back from whence it came, lodging it back within the branches of the tree. About this time several other boys apparently walked under the tree were they were promptly but unsurpisingly swarmed upon by indignant wasps. What is really surprising is that the wasps hadn't swarmed earlier.
After this story of boyish stupidity -I hope you don't mind me calling it that. My father's friend told him "You were probably that boy. You aren't afraid of stirring up wasps."
"You" I exclaimed in response when my dad related this story. My mild mannered father. When my siblings and I were little it was never him we went to if we wanted to ask permission for some odd adventure.
But... I remember at one point after sticking up for some personal rights in a work position I'm pretty sure he should have written a book entitled "Don't Ask Me. I only work here. Maybe." He does stand up for things that matter. But he's certainly not one to pick a fight.
I guess he doesn't mind playing with hornets.
The other day I was sitting in a class discussion. The questions and topics we were discussing were about patriarchy and the role of men.
"So do you think any form of leadership or power shown by men can be a good thing?" Mi professora asked.
The ring of predominately women students sat silent.
Courage.
I raised my hand, my professor nodded in my direction. "Yes"
"How can you answer so positively? Can you elaborate?"
I struggled for words. "All of us have spheres of influence whether we like it or not and if we use the power we have in good, constructive ways in those spheres whether men or women it is a benefit."
The subject dropped.
The spheres of Dr. Warren, John Adams, John Hancock, and Paul Revere were fairly large, widened by their own actions.
During the late 1700's Massachusetts was a hotbed of revolution, politics, and a little warmongering. I'm from Massachusetts. I've wondered would I have sided with Adams and Hancock or would I have been a Tory, a Loyalist. I am a quiet law abiding type.
The more I think about it, stirring hornets, the more I wonder why do it. Is it just to antagonize fellow creatures? Or is it commenting on standards of life, standing up for things that matter. Do you stir hornets? Sometimes I do.
A couple of days ago my dad told a story that a friend from work had told him. At a scout camp he was attending several young men all got attached by wasps. After medical attention was provided they were asked what happened. One boy confessed that he had found a long stick and seeing a wasp nest in a nearby tree he found it his fascinating duty to knock the nest from the tree. Once that was accomplished he found that that was not enough. He then proceeded to catapult the nest back from whence it came, lodging it back within the branches of the tree. About this time several other boys apparently walked under the tree were they were promptly but unsurpisingly swarmed upon by indignant wasps. What is really surprising is that the wasps hadn't swarmed earlier.
After this story of boyish stupidity -I hope you don't mind me calling it that. My father's friend told him "You were probably that boy. You aren't afraid of stirring up wasps."
"You" I exclaimed in response when my dad related this story. My mild mannered father. When my siblings and I were little it was never him we went to if we wanted to ask permission for some odd adventure.
But... I remember at one point after sticking up for some personal rights in a work position I'm pretty sure he should have written a book entitled "Don't Ask Me. I only work here. Maybe." He does stand up for things that matter. But he's certainly not one to pick a fight.
I guess he doesn't mind playing with hornets.
The other day I was sitting in a class discussion. The questions and topics we were discussing were about patriarchy and the role of men.
"So do you think any form of leadership or power shown by men can be a good thing?" Mi professora asked.
The ring of predominately women students sat silent.
Courage.
I raised my hand, my professor nodded in my direction. "Yes"
"How can you answer so positively? Can you elaborate?"
I struggled for words. "All of us have spheres of influence whether we like it or not and if we use the power we have in good, constructive ways in those spheres whether men or women it is a benefit."
The subject dropped.
The spheres of Dr. Warren, John Adams, John Hancock, and Paul Revere were fairly large, widened by their own actions.
During the late 1700's Massachusetts was a hotbed of revolution, politics, and a little warmongering. I'm from Massachusetts. I've wondered would I have sided with Adams and Hancock or would I have been a Tory, a Loyalist. I am a quiet law abiding type.
The more I think about it, stirring hornets, the more I wonder why do it. Is it just to antagonize fellow creatures? Or is it commenting on standards of life, standing up for things that matter. Do you stir hornets? Sometimes I do.
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