"Refuse to be Boring"

The spring after my High School graduation I had this conversation with one of my best friends (M) from High School over instant messenger (when people still did that).

M: it was so windy on monday!
it was insane
I almost got knocked over

me: I LOVE wind
but that sounds a bit much
:)

M: I tried jumping off of the sidewalk to fly

me: lol
did it work

M: but the only thing that happened was the state security guard at the state house looked at me funny
I refuse to be an adult entirely, or at least I refuse to be boring

me: well that's good. life is far to boring if you don't stomp in puddles and wade through snow..... or try to fly



Sometimes I think I take life and myself too seriously. I think a little laughter and a little silliness is often in order, or in other words find the joy in life, and ignore the security guards who look at you funny.
I went for a walk in the snow yesterday, and laughed with myself for the shear beauty of it, and for getting my pants wet when I slid down the slide. 
The scriptures often talk about being childlike, I think that is one way to do it; by being free to admit the wonder and joy of the world around you (and it makes immortality more appealing).

I gave this little girl a hat and boots for the winter weather.

Creative Engineering

The other day at a social function I stacked several bowls and Styrofoam cups on top of each other to make a tower. It was pretty impressive I thought. While I was doing it someone jokingly said "You should be an engineer."
A few days before that I had to make a powerpoint slide for a presentation and I ended up working on it probably longer than was necessary but I think it turned out really good. My geology professor asked if I had asked for help.
Sometimes it hits me as odd how much people seem to demand that arts and science can't be mixed, or at least are surprised when they are. But honestly I think they are far more similar than some people realize. We should live in a holistic world as my anthropology professors would say. Enough of my rant (sometimes I feel like perhaps I am too redundant). Here are some of the creative things I've been doing lately.

A graham cracker train station and train.

Sculpey clay ornaments

Grocery bag wrapping paper

Scrap Paper t

Same Subject Many Levels

This semester I am taking an entry level class, a undergraduate upper division class and a graduate class all in geology. It has been rather strange. First it has been interesting to see how the different classes are run. I had forgotten what busy work feels like. I don't particularly like it. It has also been interesting to be learning some of the same things at different levels of intensity at the same time. There seems to be quite a bit of overlap although I'm not sure I should call it overlap. It is more like information building on top of information. At least that is how it would be if I wasn't learning it all simultaneously. I have also found myself rather embarrassed at admitting to taking such a basic class. Which is just prideful but it just seems to emphasize the whole "wow you are behind aren't you..."
I'm glad I am taking the classes that I am. They have been interesting in themselves but also interesting to take all at once.

Yin Yang

In general I feel like I am pretty good at going with the flow. I don't mind too much when I don't know about plans that concern me until the last minute. Actually I might be too good at... it means I have a tendency to let people run my life.
That is why I was kind of surprised when a few weeks ago one of my roommates told me at 11:15 that I should be in bed... She was super surprised I wasn't already asleep. And it was kind of unusual, I am generally in bed with the lights off between 10:30 and 11:00 (I already know I'm an odd college student... or just odd in general). It made me realize just how habit oriented I am. I like to go to bed around the same time. Get up around the same time, same morning routine. Make my lunch the night before. Go up to school at the same time. Go home around the same time. etc.
And so how do I reconcile these two things. Super habit driven, and yet flexible. I don't think I will worry about it.  I feel like there are so many parts of my personality that are almost opposite, and I've noticed it in other people too. It's fascinating, and it makes writing stories with realistic characters all the more difficult.

A Year in Review

Sometimes I wish I was more excitable. All these holidays come and go and somehow they don't feel any different from normal days... well with a bit more family :). I think part of my problem is I don't take the time or effort to actually spend the time thinking about what we are celebrating. So here is my attempt at celebrating New Years.

Many people, especially before facebook and email, would send out Christmas or New Years cards about what they had done that year. Here is my lame excuse of one.... (Just the other day I was thinking how lame these are when people just post them to social media and don't send them out to the people they actually care about, and expect others to do the work for them..... Maybe I will send out emails too).

Anyway. This year:
I spent a long time improving my artistic talents (sometimes paid and most of the time not). This is especially true of vector graphics (using inkscape). I've really enjoyed doing some fun things with it and feeling more confident in saying, "sure I can do that, and if not I can figure it out."
Despite resolutions to the contrary I started writing another book. I like writing... even though I complain about it sometimes.
I found out I still love Nauvoo, Illinois. I went there twice and even though I've been to all the places, in a sense "I've done it all" I still love it there, especially wandering around at night. I think I like walking.
I learned I am a good student, even when I don't have the background I should have in the subjects I'm studying, and I enjoy it to.
I was told I was blunt, and I've come to believe it, but there are some times when it would be helpful if I was more decisive (less scared to be decisive).
I discovered that my heart is not open. I am really bad at loving people, and I think it is because I am so defensive, I try not to feel (because I'm scared of rejection?). I'm working on this.
I learned more about friendship. It's possible. It's nice. It's vulnerable.
I realized I can't do it by myself, and I'm grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who comes to my rescue when I ask (and sometimes when I don't).

And I still think I think too much. :)

So there is what I learned this year (at least some highlights) and not so much what I did. I look forward (with hope, and excitement and a little fear) to what I will get to learn this next year. It looks a little fuzzy still, but that's as it should be.