Big life changes often take a long time to sink in. I'm engaged to get married which is a pretty big change and it would make sense if the times when it felt the most real would be significant events like the proposal, or telling parents or things like that but it hasn't really been that way. The times when this change has been the most real has been small moments like when we are introduced as a couple, or when we refer to something as “ours.”
Every large event is made up of innumerable small moments maybe that is why they are the things that are significant.
Monday, January 21, 2019
Sunday, January 13, 2019
Humor and Hurt
When I was about 8 or 9 (but maybe a little older) I had a friend over for the weekend. We had sleep overs every couple of months and had been friends since we were 3 or 4. We were really good friends (and still are) and were really comfortable with each other.
For whatever reason that weekend we took to calling each other names. For the most part, I think I had been calling her weird and she had been calling me freak. They weren't really meant as insults but we kept saying them. That night she was on the top bunk of my bunk-bed and after I brushed my teeth I walked into my room super frustrated with her (I don't remember why). I stood on the edge of the bottom bunk and looked at her and with gritted teeth called her weird, and freak, and some other things that we had said that day. And I meant everyone as a bitter insult. I've never been one to call people names in seriousness but I felt like I could because it was just the same words I had been using...
I think after that we went to bed in silence (which was an unusual experience), but since then I have been more cautious in how I speak, even in jest (maybe especially in jest) and I have always remembered that experience. It scared me how words used in a silly context could so easily become permissible to use in anger and I never wanted that to happen again.
I know I think about words and phrasing more than most people but I don't think it is just words/names. I think humor in general can be a dangerous line because humor is fun and delightful but walks the line of hurt and misunderstanding... and I don't know how to always stay on the correct side of the line.
For whatever reason that weekend we took to calling each other names. For the most part, I think I had been calling her weird and she had been calling me freak. They weren't really meant as insults but we kept saying them. That night she was on the top bunk of my bunk-bed and after I brushed my teeth I walked into my room super frustrated with her (I don't remember why). I stood on the edge of the bottom bunk and looked at her and with gritted teeth called her weird, and freak, and some other things that we had said that day. And I meant everyone as a bitter insult. I've never been one to call people names in seriousness but I felt like I could because it was just the same words I had been using...
I think after that we went to bed in silence (which was an unusual experience), but since then I have been more cautious in how I speak, even in jest (maybe especially in jest) and I have always remembered that experience. It scared me how words used in a silly context could so easily become permissible to use in anger and I never wanted that to happen again.
I know I think about words and phrasing more than most people but I don't think it is just words/names. I think humor in general can be a dangerous line because humor is fun and delightful but walks the line of hurt and misunderstanding... and I don't know how to always stay on the correct side of the line.
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