How was your week?
A week or two ago someone told me I was one of the most sincere people she had met. I have been thinking about that ever since. I do try to be sincere. It is similar to when my sister called me blunt. I make an effort to say what I feel and if I don't want to say it I am far more likely to avoid the conversation, turn it somehow or say something frivolous rather than lie. Even when I'm playing games or when people are teasing I am occasionally surprised by the realization that it would have been totally reasonable to shade the truth.
I think this is one of the reasons I dislike vague compliments and generic good wishes, both in giving and receiving them. If I can't give a meaningful real compliment why give one at all?
There is one major exception though. The causal greeting. When I was in high school I remember venting to my brother about meaningless how-are-yous. He told me I could say "tomatoes" instead of "good" or "fine" because how-are-yous are generally just about acknowledging the other persons existence not really communicating well being. I never did by the way. I know someone who always just says "I'm not dead yet" and another who says "couldn't be better" every single time, and it kind of drives me nuts. If you aren't going to be honest or real by at least varying your response I kind of feel like you might as well just say the generic "good" or "fine" instead of drawing attention to your meaningless answer. For a while in high school I answered with a pessimistic "splendid." But lately I've decided I can be better than that, and answer honestly without being pessimistic.
A couple of months ago I asked an acquaintance how she was and she said "it could be worse" after a pause. I respected that. I could have easily moved on and not said anything about it or I could have asked her more details. It was a vague enough answer that it wasn't like she was baring her soul awkwardly in common conversation but it also felt honest. I ended up saying "Well that was a safe answer." She went on to tell me of some medical problems she was dealing with and it was a really good conversation. If she hadn't been honest, I would have never asked. And really sometimes it is nice to be asked, but people aren't psychic (even if we wish they were at times) so if I want them to ask I have to be honest enough with them that they know to ask.
My week was long, but the weekend has been good.
I was reading something about how people greet each other in different countries. It said that in the US people ask and respond as you describe. It's usually just stated like a hello and a hello in return and is not an actual question. I agree with this.
ReplyDeleteAlso lately I have been wondering/thinking I think girls really are more likely to expect others to be psychic. And they expect others to ask how they are (and mean it) when giving off depressed vibes. And then are more likely to be annoyed if someone doesn't ask. You can study this one out now :)