Today I conversed about the act of conversation. Talking (and sometimes writing) is generally where some of my more abstract ideas are honed into actual communicable ideas. So here are some thoughts on conversations. Supposedly to be a skilled conversationalist you must focus on asking your companion questions about themselves. Basically the point is to get the other person talking. In general I think this is good advice especially for a first meeting, or a casual acquaintance. My problem is I tend to use this strategy too often. Even talking to fairly close friends and roommates I use this tactic. Which leaves them talking excessively and me rather bored. It's a preemptive tactic that leaves me safe (even if I'm bored).
However, when I end up talking to people that use this tactic as well, or even better then me, it makes me feel threatened. What is this? An inquisition? It's uncomfortable to be the one always talking, because when you talk you are revealing more about yourself then when you stay silent. In other words someone is getting to know you but you aren't getting to know them. Vulnerable, is the word for it. But maybe that's just me. Maybe for most people (like extroverts) being the primary talker is what is comfortable and ideal.
Ultimately I prefer the conversation partner that shares as well as asks, so that you are both becoming vulnerable at the same rate.
I have a friend that always asks how I am doing and then expects me to fully answer the question first before she talks about herself. This throws me every time and I feel ... vulnerable. And then I remember who I am talking to and relax and realize that she will talk next.
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