Confidence and Experience

I took a ceramics class in my second(?) year of college. I think one of the hardest parts of the class for me was going into the ceramics lab to work on projects when I was not specifically scheduled to be there. I remember walking up to the doors but because they were closed o this particular occasion and generally they were propped open I couldn't bring myself to push them open and go in.
Now, looking back I can totally understand my hesitation but I don't think I would run away anymore (I hope).
This week my sister and I were talking about self-confidence and how to develop it yourself or encourage it in others. The conclusion we came to is that new experiences tend to bring more confidence. There could be two reasons for this. One, if I work long enough on the same thing I learn more of the in and outs of whatever it is (whether it is learning Microsoft Excel or playing frisbee). Thus, I gain confidence in that specific area because I am more comfortable with it.
That would help with confidence in a specific area but if I want to gain more confidence in general I think the key is varied experiences because that way I have more things I can relate to and more experience in trying new things itself. While trying lots of different things perhaps instead of learning the ins and outs of a particular skill I learn the ins and outs of being uncomfortable and what types of things make me uncomfortable and what type of things I can do to alleviate it while still participating.
I'm by no means amazing at this but it is certainly something to think about.

Negative Impressions

Once I was walking with an acquaintance through a building on campus. There was several people in the hall and one of them held out a bag of bakery cookies. "Do you want these cookies?"

"No thanks." I said.

"Really? They're fresh."

I declined again but my companion said that she would take them which she did. As we took the elevator up to the third floor my companion asked if I liked cookies or just didn't like taking food from strangers. I said neither and she promptly shared one of the cookies with me which I enjoyed.

The problem is that my gut response to most new things is "no." That goes for invitations to activities, new clothes on racks, etc.

I am especially bad with clothes. I often see clothes on racks in stores and think they are ugly but then if I put them on later or see others wearing them I will often think they look fine or even start really liking them. I just think it is surprising how first impressions for me tend to be indifferent or negative even if the long term opinion may be the complete opposite or at least unrelated.

Productivity v. Sociality

I apologize before I even start. This will be another dichotomy with a solution that ends up predictably somewhere in between.... like what always (for moderate values of always) happens.
Lately I have really bonded with a couple of my roommates and we have spent a lot of talking. Sometimes when one of us needs to discuss something and sometimes just because it is fun. As a result of this I have not worked on some of my projects as much as I would have liked. However, this weekend they were both gone and I spent the majority of the time reading (delicious) and writing or doing other projects. It was excellent, and reminded me of the summer before returning to grad school. Very productive but low on sociality, the opposite of the past couple of weeks lots of sociality not much productivity. Both are good, and I enjoy both but what I seem to be bad at is having a balance between them, at least in the short term. I feel like I can go whole months with one or the other and I start missing the other but don't quite know how to make the other happen, either because there are too many people around and I can't tell them no, or because there are no people around and I can't seem to find them. I guess its not all bad to have a "time and season" for everything, or in other words be balanced in the long term if not the short term, but it certainly seems better to be more balanced all the time... I just don't know how to make that happen.

Collections

Over the years I have collected various things, some of them more random then others. Stuffed animals, pokemon cards, socks, polished rocks, and miniature bears are some of the more common ones. I also collected napkins for a while and many of you know of my firehydrant picture collection.
When I was probably about 12 I took my napkin collection and made them into a series of collages that we hung in our finished attic for a while. Later we threw them away.
I know other people who have collections of coins, stamps, nativity sets, elephants, cabbage patch dolls, lego sets, decorative plates, etc.
Frequently collection items seem to be fairly useless, at least in the quantity they are collected although some have monetary value. And it can be almost disturbing when there are so many of whatever it is that they fill an entire room (like a room devoted to cabbage patch dolls... yes I have seen one of these). However it seems like the benefit f many collections, especially those that aren't coins or whatever, is that the objects are usually connected with a place or a person. Really they aren't collecting plates, they are collecting memories of places or people etc. which is actually pretty cool, and in my opinion that makes for a lot more entertaining decor then generic cutsey decorations.

Learning New Things

Since school ended I have been working on my thesis (and getting paid for it!). Basically it is doing something I am totally unqualified to do. Designing a computer database using programs I've never used before. I feel like I go through cycles as I have dived in to learning about this subject.
Stage 1: Floundering. What in the world am I supposed to be doing?
Stage 2: Oh I get it! This is when I start playing around with the program and kind of have figured out a little what I need to do and so I start doing it, and looking up little things on google (how to separate one cell into multiple cells in excel?).
Stage 3: Discouragement. I did all that but it's either not working or I read something and realize I am doing it wrong but don't know how to fix it.
Stage 4: Research I. I break down and ask someone (if I can find someone to ask... a big problem) or finally get a book. I feel like is this really worth my time, but realize I don't really have a choice.
Stage 5: Research II. I am slightly frustrated because I realize this is how and why I was doing it wrong and how I should have done it. Why didn't I read this earlier.
Stage 6: Realization. If I had read the book or asked earlier I wouldn't have understood what they were saying so although it feels repetitive it was good I had already gone through steps 1-3 because I now know what it is referring to.
Step 7: Victory. I do it right and it works and its awesome!!!
Step 8: What? How am I back at Step 1 again? I came so far and now I'm just floundering again...

What is unfortunate is Step 7 always feels really short and Step 3... it can last a long time. :(
Obviously this isn't a perfect representation of my 3 or so weeks of work but it is the main idea. just be grateful I didn't go into the details of databases... I know far more about databases then I did 3 weeks ago (and still not enough). It has definitely been a frustrating but invigorating experience... and not really what I expected.

Legend Speaker

So as I've mentioned before I wrote a book. I am doing some last minute formatting stuff (although it might take a while I might have to teach myself another program to make it work right!) and then I plan to release it as an ebook. Crazy right? This is the cover I made for it using gimp and inkscape.

Below is the blurb I wrote for the back. And just to be clear this is not an advertisement! But I do like to put some of my creative stuff on here sometimes.

Dreya, a young woman and daughter of a noble, lives with her family on the edge of a desert, a seeming wasteland that has drawn her since she first heard of it at her grandfather's knee. During one night's desert wandering she meets Wrael, a member of a feared race of nomads called Night Walkers. Unable to ignore the desert's call, Dreya continues to sneak out and she and Wrael become friends. Her new friendship forces her to choose between risking her father's love and the death of Wrael's people.
When Dreya sacrifices her home she hopes to find belonging among the Night Walkers. But running away from home isn't as easy as she hopes. The meat is raw, the desert is brutal, the culture is foreign and she can't even understand the language. Even with Wrael's protection, and Erok's training Dreya doesn't find her place until she draws on her unique heritage to help the Night Walker's remember their own.
Then death strikes, a warlord rises, and her homeland is threatened.
Only with the help of hesitant family, loyal friends, and honorable enemies will Dreya be able to keep the kingdom of her birth and the people of her heart from destroying each other.

Loving Characters is Easier than Loving People

Last night I watched North and South with my roommate. It is one of my favorite movies, and is basically Pride and Prejudice 50 years later with societal issues about how to deal with the industrial revolution. However, that is not really the reason I bring it up. My roommate, who has also watched it several times and has read the book, and I were talking about the characters like they were real people. It's amazing how much I want them all to end up well (even though I know the ending) and I can see the good in them even though I can also see their faults. Mr Thornton acts harder then he is and definitely has a temper but he also has integrity. Nicolas Higgins is rough around the edges, and has no patience for cowardice but is devoted to his daughters and his cause. Even Fanny, Mr Thorton's sister, who is spoiled, petty, and silly really just craves her families love and respect. So now to the point. I feel like I know these characters and can love them for their good characteristics despite their faults, maybe even seeing the good in their faults. So if these characters are supposed to be people and I have met lots of people why is it so hard to love real people in the same way?
The reason I love these characters is because I know their history and I have spent time with them. I have seen how they act with their families, and in the work place and what they do when they are angry or sad or happy.
Most people I meet I just don't spend that time with. I don't know their backstory, why they are the way they are or how they react to different situations.
I'm not quite sure what to do with this but I still thought I would share it.