Routines

Routines are weird things. Day after day they are the same and I get bored with them and wish they weren't there. But then without them nothing ever gets done, I get tired of inconsistency and wish for "normalcy." Because of Christmas and time off from work and visitors there hasn't been much of my normal routines these past couple of weeks. It's been fun but it has also kind of been tiring. Not so much tiring because of everything we've been doing, although I did get sore from sledding. But tired because I feel like I haven't accomplished anything, and tired because sometimes I don't know how to deal with the situations that arise, where I should be and what I should be doing. So, in some ways I'm glad the vacation is almost done.

A Christmas Poem

I'm not super happy with it, some of it is pretty clunky, but here it is anyway. Merry Christmas.

The Nativity is set up, to bless the Christmas days,
To remind us that the Father, sent his Son to earth, to save.
Joseph stands nearby protecting, his wife and little one.
Mary kneels beside the cradle pondering, all that has been done.
The shepherds sent by angles come, to see the Lamb of God.
The wisemen journey seeking, the Light below the star.
The angels from the Heavens, sing praises to their King.
The stable stands mute witness, that He will shelter all.
He needs no palace nor kingdom, to rule or reign above.
As a babe He was potential. Our faith in Him was strong.
Now he lives again, our Savior, our life, our song.

Jane Eyre

In High School I once did a Relay for Life with some of my friends. Having no idea what it would be like I brought a book to read. Just in case. Unfortunately it was drizzly most of the day/night, and my backpack was too close to the edge of the tent so my book got somewhat waterlogged. It was a borrowed book. I ended up buying another copy of the book to give to the person I borrowed it from because I felt bad. The book, as you might have guessed from the post title was Jane Eyre. Although I felt bad about ruining someone else's book I wasn't sorry to get my own (although waterlogged) copy.

I liked it when I read it the first time. I just finished reading it the second time and I don't know how I missed the power behind it. Jane has a moral strength you don't often see in books, especially not in the more romantic genres.

Here are a few quotes from it that really connected with me, this time around.

"I had the means of an excellent education placed within my reach; a fondness for some of my studies, and a desire to excel in all, together wit h a great delight in pleasing my teachers, especially such as I loved, urged me on:"          -p98

This is how I felt about my schooling.

"Life, however, was yet in my possession; with all of its requirements, and pains, and responsibilities. The burden must be carried; the want provided for; the suffering endured; the responsibility fulfilled."       -p365

I liked how she described life and the responsibility that is a part of it.

"Reserved people often really need the frank discussion of their sentiments and griefs more than the expansive."         -p416

Sentimental December

Last week I was annoyed when I heard Christmas songs, and shook my head at Christmas displays in the stores. Now it's perfectly acceptable, rather nice actually. I feel like jumping into Christmas before Thanksgiving or even Halloween are plagued by a grass is greener mentality. Meaning they are ignoring the now in favor of a hazy future, even if that future looks good.
Anyway. As it is December first, and thus the Christmas season in my books I unpacked my few Christmas possessions. There is something enchanting about blowing off the dust of forgetfulness and pulling out old familiar items that seem to speak through the hands, whispering of past pleasantness with friends and a different me, even if there are no distinct memories. That I think, is part of the magic of the season. There are so many material items, foods, songs, and acted out traditions that only happen at Christmas that over and over again that enchanted dust is blown off.
The other day I was talking with my parents and brother about the one time we had Christmas with my grandparents. None of us remembered it very well at all. We decided that because it had been so entirely different from our other Christmases, so few of those memory things were unpacked or done that it hardly seemed like Christmas and so it faded from our minds like it barely existed.

Our DecemBear Advent Calandar

Clothes

Someone once told me while trying to convince 10 year old me to wear a fancy dress that "Every girl wants to be a princess." I did not, spitefully retort "Then I can be a princess in jeans."

I find clothes disturbing, but I suspect it is only because I think too much.
Sometimes when I walk through stores it makes me dizzy, there is just too much to look at and see, I find it overwhelming, and clothes shopping is even worse.
I took a class in college called the History of Clothing. A more complete name would have been Western Civilization and Culture as it Impacted and was Impacted by Clothing. It was fascinating. One of the things we talked about was how many of the cliques and trends in the last several decades are almost purely defined by their clothes. But the question to me is do you like certain clothes and are thus drawn to other people who like similar clothes and also happen to have other personality traits in common. Or do you have those personality traits and so you gravitate to people with those same traits and respect those people and as an effort to fit in or just in respect you end up wearing the same clothes. Perhaps that is irrelevant because it's a chicken and an egg type situation.
The other thing that seems crazy about clothes, is that no matter what other people say I am comfortable in what I'm comfortable in. Even if I hate it, but everyone else tells me it looks great, I just feel stupid, and vice versa.

So back to why I find clothes disturbing and feel almost dizzy when I'm shopping... When clothes shopping I often have an identity crisis. Am I that person who wears cargo pants and T-shirts? Am I that person who wears fitted jeans, and wool coats? Am I that person who wears skirts and casual blouses? Am I that person who wears blazers and button down the front shirts? So where am I supposed to look for clothes? The thing is, all of those people seem to be completely different to me, (yes, yes I know they are all me - I think I compartmentalize too much). This isn't just a problem I have when I'm in a store either, it happens when I look in my own closet. What's weird is I can wear nice jeans and a shirt one day and it makes me feel pretty the whole day, and I wear the exact same outfit the next week and it makes me self conscious. Like I said clothes are confusing.

Growing up with Books

In my elementary school if  we read 100 books or a specific number of pages (depending on the grade level) during the year we got a reading award for it, which included a medal and a book. These are the books I earned for each year. Some I don't read very much anymore. But they are good books, and I still have them.
This week I reread The View from Saturday by E. L. Konisburg. It was at least the third time I read it, once when I got it in fifth grade, once the summer after I graduated High School, and then now. Among other things this is what I wrote about it when I read it after High School "I still don't really understand it....."
Which I found funny because this time when I had finished I thought, "Oh, I get it." I would have never picked this book on my own, but because it was a gift it came into my life, and I'm glad of it.
There is something special about books that you grow up with. That you have read throughout your life, and they are still good. Maybe that is why my brother and sister have said that there are several series every kid should grow up with. I've grown up with this one.
The list we have at present of such important series are:
Laura Ingall's Wilder
Narnia (I got a copy of the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe in 4th grade).
Harry Potter
Lord of the Rings

Writing

Recently I have been writing a lot, at least it feels like quite a bit to me. Every day I aim for a 1000 written words, or 2000 typed words, or more often a combination of the two, on a single novel-to-be. It has been an interesting experience. It is exciting, painful, exhausting, overwhelming bizarre.
Exciting: It is cool to be able to feel a wad of papers in my hand, and think, I wrote all this (and yes I do most of my writing with pen and paper, and then type it in). And when I reread parts of it when I was editing it actually took a while. This isn't just a short piece.
Painful: It is a lot of work to convince myself to do everyday. And sometimes I am just at a complete loss of what else to say, or how to say it.
Exhausting: Sometimes I'm just tired, I literally feel drained (pun intended), that happens especially towards the end of the week.
Overwhelming: How do you create a world, a culture, and interesting people all by yourself? You don't. I've talked to my brother a lot, and in all actuality the story was originally his.
Bizarre: It is strange to be thinking about what happens next, or reliving scenes, while I walk around, or do my laundry, etc. just like I do with books that I'm reading.

So don't judge my writing on just this, please. Hopefully, I will spend more time editing my book then I do on my blog posts, which are not always literary masterpieces. (Aren't you glad. Literary Masterpieces can be awfully dense at times).