Eowyn's Walls

I think I was in high school when I first read Lord of the Rings and with the movies coming out everyone was obsessed with it. Some of the other girls and I all really like Eowyn. She's one of the few girl characters and she fights with the men and is awesome.
My sister wasn't as a big fan, and I asked her, surprised, why she didn't like her. "She's always so desperate. Desperate to fight, desperate for Aragorn's love, just desperate. I just can't relate to her character."
The other day I read a ridiculous regency book about a girl who is so desperate to fly from her gilded cage she makes a terrible bargain with her mother and ends up deeply hurting herself and the boy she loves and finally just runs away. I enjoyed the story more or less but I just couldn't relate to the character she was just too desperate.
These two characters seem like all they see is walls, when in reality they have so many opportunities in front of them that they just can't see it.
Maybe I just live in a charmed life, but I just don't feel like I'm surrounded by walls. I don't feel caged. Do some people just look for the walls? or are they really there and I'm just blind to them?

Wandering

Often on my hikes by myself I will start out on the same trail until I look up and see something and say to myself "I'm going to go to that outcrop." And then I do. When I get there I hike some more until I decide on a new objective and go there.
When I'm on the phone I often go for walks and it is kind of a similar process. I walk straight until I decide I want a change and then at an intersection I will turn and walk straight for another stretch.
On both the mountain and the neighborhood jaunts I mostly go up or out from my initial spot until I decide that I want to turn around and then I wander back in the same fashion.
The wandering isn't exactly random but it certainly isn't planned out before hand with a specific destination in mind.
I was talking to a friend about wandering and how peaceful it is... how it provides a change in pace.

It made me wonder if I'm wandering through life, and I think I am. I think I have a tendency to just go where life takes me, go with the flow, until I see some specific (but short term-ish) destination and then I make for it (a mission, BS, MS) and then I wander some more until I catch sight of another destination that looks intriguing and go for it.
I told someone once that I didn't really know what I wanted and he was skeptical. "And yet you have a Masters," he said. I kind of wanted to respond, "I think that was an accident."
To be fair, it wasn't an accident but it was more of a short term plan rather then a life goal.
And just like my wanders are always up and out (well until I have to turn around) I think my life is pointed in a higher faster direction.
I know this wandering type of life might drive some people insane, or just be utterly unfathomable but I think it works for me. When you do things this way you never know if you'll find mountain goats or bones, new friendships or fascinating facts.

Change/Time

This week I've re-read some entries from my old journals, mostly within the last five years and it has been fun to notice some things.

Some of my thoughts seem super immature.... And it's only been a few years.
I came across a few realizations that I documented and looking at it now I was like, "that's when I realized that? I thought I'd known that forever."
Some of the people I mention I barely remember... They have fallen from my life with barely a ripple.
Some of the relationships, problems, classes, and over all stresses are completely gone. I remember them but just like those people I mentioned above they are essentially meaningless in my life currently, except as memories.
I am not the same person I was ten years ago, or five or even just two years ago. And yet I'm still very much inherently me with some of the same thought processes, weaknesses, likes, and dislikes. 
I always find it fascinating to read books that cover large amounts of time so that you can watch the character grow up but still keep being themselves. Perhaps series are the best in that way. Anne of Green Gables and Harry Potter are pretty good at it, but perhaps the best I've read at this particular feat might be the book Chop-chop, which I read a month or so ago.

The Dangers of Common Ground

My sister and I were talking about how it is easy to get talking negatively with certain people. Sometimes it's because the person is just negative but sometimes it's more because you just start sharing experiences that are alike and they all happen to be negative.
People are always talking about the importance of connecting over common ground* during small talk or even when you are preparing for heavier topics (like as a missionary).
But lately I've been thinking about how sometimes it is so tempting to make the connection that I emphasize something in my life to do so.
For example, when talking to someone shy sometimes I talk up my feelings of social inadequacy. When someone is complaining about the heat I talk about how sunny it was that morning.
It isn't as though those things are not things I've felt or noticed but they just aren't as big a deal as I portrayed. 
When this happens the common ground is built but I'm just not sure it is the positive, accurate common ground that is firm enough for continued interaction. So how do you build on common ground without inaccurate emphasis? I have no idea. Perhaps it doesn't actually matter that much and I just think too much.... that's been known to happen.


*No I do not have any sources for this statement.

Nerdy Inside Jokes

This week I was hanging out with paleontologists and they were making some paleontology jokes and I realized how much I enjoy intelligent "inside" jokes.
Being part of a specialized field or group provides opportunities for specialized often situational jokes... I would tell some but situational jokes just don't work well without the long description and then they are hardly funny. I have enjoyed this kind of joke with archaeologists, paleontologists, family members and other Mormons.
I wondered for a bit if the satisfaction came because they are inside jokes. I understand them, but not everyone would.... and that might be part of it. However, I usually feel uncomfortable around inside jokes when people who aren't in on it are around. Plus, this kind of joke is even more satisfying when everyone present does understand it.
So if the satisfaction doesn't come from a feeling of superiority (I'm hoping it doesn't) where does it come from?
The type of joke I'm talking about requires an in depth knowledge of some subject (church history, an obscure computer game, bones, rocks, etc). Thus, there is a level of accomplishment that comes from knowing I worked hard to understand the science or facts behind the joke. Perhaps the shared laughter is even an acknowledgment of shared accomplishment.

By the way, the picture is one I took in Korea at a children's park (part of a zoo). The way the T-rex is popping out of the volcano... or maybe he is spewing lava from his mouth, makes me laugh every time. It's not quite the type of joke I talk about here but its getting there.

Free T-shirts

Free food among college students is known as a great motivator, and so, in my experience, free food is often announced with most college activities. However,  free food isn't vvery high on my list of motivators.
So today, when an activity was announced with free food I thought "probably won't go to that." And then they announced there would be free T-shirts. "Maybe I will go."
For some reason free T-shirts is oddly motivating for me. In highschool we got free T-shirts sometimes... they were usually white and I never wore them, but since then I have got some that I was pretty excited about.
PBS kids in the park (a service activity)
LDS Institute (a church educational class)
iDigNauvoo (a service/job archaeological dig)
PiDay (a Math department activity)
and a few others...
I think the reason I like free T-shirts is because they usually come with a group commitment or commonality. It makes me feel like I am part of something bigger like I talked about in an old blog post. Plus, wearing it after is a reminder of that commonality.
It's a little silly really, and perhaps odd because at other times I steer clear of shirts with words on them.... but free t-shirts are just different.

Watching Ducks Grow

Near my house there is a little artificial stream that I walk beside, often when I'm talking on the phone.
This spring there has been several duck families there, mostly mallards, and they aren't scared of people.
One family, with an odd gray duckling, and like 10 other ducklings I kept particular track of. The gray duckling made it easy to make sure they were the same family. The last time I walked by though they were gone, so they most of grown up and moved away.
They aren't the best pictures but it was fun to watch them grow.
Also I realized that none of these pictures have the daddy duck but he was there most days.

May 14

May 20

May 25

May 28