Of Dinosaurs and Mothers

I really wanted a picture of a maiasaura but unfortunately I don't have one. Maiasaura means "good mother lizard" and was named because of how frequently these dinosaurs are found in nesting areas.

Dinosaurs have a very specific constellation of traits that makes some animals dinosaurs and some not. Two traits an animal absolutely has to have to be considered a dinosaur is (1)being a diapsid (two holes in the skull not counting eye orbits) and (2) an upright posture (no crocodile-like bent legs for them). So when people ask if dimetrodons  are dinosaurs the answer is a resounding "No." They are synapsids (only one hole) with a sprawling posture...... but when someone asks me what a dimetrodon is, it is entirely too easy, because it gets the general idea across, to say "a dinosaur with a sail." Inaccurate yes, but we honestly don't have another word in the english language/vernacular that is more accurate.

Mother's Day is an odd day, because like dinosaur, mother is a vague term. It is a very precise term that means one thing. A woman who has had a child. And yet it also means someone who loves, who cares, who nurtures, who laughs, who guides, who sacrifices for her children, for her family, for her friends, for strangers.

This disconnect between the precise definition of mother and the vague all encompassing feeling of mother causes a great deal of hurt, confusion, guilt, and longing on this day that I'm sure is meant to be celebratory.

It's just really easy as someone who doesn't fit into the whole "woman who has a child" definition to feel that Mother's Day isn't about me.

It's also easy, I imagine, as someone who fits the precise definition of having children but feels lacking in that more vague feeling of motherhood to feel inadequate.

So that just leaves us in a nightmare tangle of unhelpfulness... so I would suggest that we dwell less on the precise definition of mother and more on the vague feeling. However, this often feels unsatisfactory because this feeling is a terrible definition. Unfortunately, I don't think motherhood can be defined in more precise terms without destroying that feeling, and yet this very vagueness means that when one person doesn't embody every word we associate with mother that's ok. They don't need to.

My mother, my sister, my two sister-in-laws, my friends, my aunts, my grandmothers, my friend's mothers, are all wonderful mothers. Some of them are good listeners. Some have a talent for giving good advice. Some make everyone feel comfortable. Some know how to get things done. Some are good at focusing on the individual. Some are determined.

What I'm trying to say is unlike the precise constellation of traits you have to have to be a dinosaur there isn't just one way to be a mother. And that includes who you're a mother to.

So I refuse to define what a mother is to me (that would defeat the whole point, besides I'm not sure it's possible) but I know that I love my nieces and nephews, and I enjoy watching them, getting to know them, playing with them, reading to them, and just holding them. I also know that there are people in my life that I care about enough to disagree with them, tell them to go to bed, and would (and have) drop(ped) everything for.

Happy Mother's Day and I'll forgive you if you call dimetrodons dinosaurs. For a more doctrinal focused take on this topic try Sister Eubank's talk.